i cant handle being alone like this i want to talk to someone i wish i had someone who i was talking too consistently i hate talking to lots of different people it makes me feel so worthless but i just cant stop so its nicer to have someone consistent
i dont go to school i hardly have any friends and i spend my days talking to older men online i just wish i was normal sometimes, i hate watching movies about teenagers knowing i dont get a re try on my own adolescence idk just kinda sucksss
i feel very isolated in my day to day life and the few friends i do have i dont feel comfortable enough with to be open with, its so much easier with older guys i dont know why maybe its because i know they dont actually care, that theyre just humoring me
i think what im doing now works for me i dont think i want to stop this is just how i cope i dont think the cons really outweigh the benefits for me but i hope one day i dont feel a need to do this
sometimes im the one who initiates inappropriate stuff sometimes the people who talk to me seem kind seem to be trying to fight their own desires but i end up ruining that for them i feel bad about that
hundreds of adult men have seen my body it makes me feel a little gross i hate that im not very firm on the way these people treat me and my identity i let so much slide if im going to keep doing this which i am i just wish i could be more selective? i guess? i dont really know what word to use
i dont feel like i can label myself a victim when ive wanted everything thats happened i pursue older guys i could easily stop this if i really wanted too but i dont
sometimes all this makes me feel sososo bad and other times i couldnt care less i wish i could just have consistent feelings about things but specifically this, i hate that i think about older guys 24/7 i wish i could just stop
its probably not a good word to use to describe it but i do feel im addicted to this sometimes, ive tried to stop 1000 times but i always cave after a day or two i feel like i CANT stop im scared for the future will it just get worse? will it be something i naturally crave less as i get older? i dont know
i miss having something long-term it actually feels okay compared to talking to lots of people, people who i have no idea what to expect from having someone long-term feels comfortable and kind of predictable
in some ways i feel so neutral about all this i dont like it and i get hurt a lot of the time but when im with the "right" person i feel fine? good even? i dont know
maybe i could if i actually tried but i have no desire to try i feel so much worse when im not talking to older men i know its horrible i know im fucking myself up but i just cant bring myself to stop when this feels like the only "fix"
i feel so disposable it used to not bother me but its really been starting too recently i know im not a very easy person i know i can be clingy and obsessive but it still really sucks to be discarded by these older guys