Difficult Grandparent Relationships
Long story short, last Spring we discovered my husband's parents had been spanking our four year old despite us being clear we were not okay with that. They have not apologized without a caveat, and they say we are being bad parents and Christians because we've cut them off so reconciliation of any sort is not happening. And to be clear, they were never going to be alone with our son again and we were not planning on having him around them at all until they'd built trust back up with my husband and I.
In addition to that, my dad moved out of town to be in a cult. Not joking. So while he occasionally shows up at holidays, he's obviously not around much and we have never let him be alone with our son either, given my upbringing in his doomsday prepper house. I know how they weave that crap into every conversation.
I'm struggling navigating how to talk about these relationships with my son. He's 4 now, and I don't speak badly of his grandparents or say anything about their character. For my husband's parents, we cut them off quite abruptly. The best I could say was that they loved him very much, but were busy and couldn't see him right now. I stressed a lot that they were not mad, it was not his fault, and that he is very loved. But it still just feels off to me, like someone is too busy to make time for him. But the reality is that I think they are very twisted people who don't know how to properly love, which I cant and don't think I should be explaining to a four year old.
With my dad, he's never been around or a great Granddad anyway so my son doesn't notice his absence much. He asks if he'll be at certain holidays but that's about it. I just don't know what's age appropriate and when it's even the right time to tell him what actually happened. I guess when he's older and asks? Just struggling to navigate the fact he has 0 grandparents (my mom passed 5 years before he was born) and how to address how that makes him feel. He does say he missed them and feels sad sometimes, which I obviously affirm for him. Any advice is appreciated!