How do I treat this confusing situation in order to move forward?
I recently took quite the liking to one of my coworkers. We didn’t talk at all at first but then warmed up to each other and found out that we had pretty much everything in common. I thoroughly enjoy spending time with her. Not an exaggeration to say I haven’t met someone I have this much in common with outside of my immediate family probably in my entire life. It’s almost scary, but it’s great.
One of the only differences between us is that she is a little shy and I’m not really that way. So it started out slow as mutual friendliness, then I started to pick up on what I detected as some of the common flirty signals like twirling her hair when she talks to me, long eye contact, going out of her way to spend time with me, etc. I have never seen her act that way with anyone else because she is always so reserved.
Once I picked up on all that, I realized that we seem extremely compatible and I developed a crush on her that I couldn’t get out of my head. So I decided to face the facts and just politely but directly ask her out. Better to ask and find out than regret doing nothing years later. I did it privately and in person and was expecting it to go well, but it didn’t.
She didn’t really know what to say at first, but ultimately used the cliche line that she was just not looking for a boyfriend/relationship right now. I’m socially aware enough to know that usually is just the nice way of saying “I’m not interested in you”. She also mentioned that she’s been enjoying spending time with me too and still wants to be friends. No need for any awkwardness, etc.
I’m completely fine with being friends and professional acquaintances because I do genuinely enjoy talking to her and being around her whether it leads to anything more than that or not. So while that’s the bottom line and the rational route forward that even I would like to try my best to pursue, I’m left with a slightly bruised ego and more so than that, just generally confused and now unsure how to get past looking at her in that way.
That flirty stuff from her end hasn’t stopped. If anything, I feel like I am recognizing it even more now sometimes. Also, I feel like with how much we know we have in common with one another, it’s crazy to not give it a chance at least.
Usually I’d chalk some of this up to that maybe she’s interested in someone else or something like that, but I’m nearly certain that is not the case. Maybe she just draws a line with no dating coworkers? But if so, I think she’d have just used that as her way to turn me down as that would’ve been just as easy.
All that said, I’d like to just move on and go forward as friends. But it’s like I can’t get it out of my head. Since we see each other regularly around work, I need to maintain a good relationship with her and it would be unwise to just cut her off for many reasons. It’s been a couple weeks and nothing has became awkward or anything like that yet which is great, but my brain just can’t turn the switch off of wishing she was willing to give it a shot.
Is it possible for women to use that line of rejection and actually deep down still see potential for more? I really don’t think it is, and don’t plan on waiting around for her or anything like that. Yet if she’s not interested, why do I still get all the signs and vibes like she is? Especially someone who seems to not want attention due to how shy they are. Just an odd, confusing situation overall that I wish could’ve worked out differently, but still glad I said something and found out how she feels. Just wish I could quit thinking about it and driving myself crazy.