I was the unicorn. I am shattered.
Hello every body. I was the unicorn that my friend was talking about in this post. To be honest, I am terrified to post this. Please don't be mean to me 😞
I read all your comments left on the post and they encouraged me a lot. Thank you.
Today I have officially cut contact with the husband. I have not spoken to the wife in months, and yesterday the wife found out that me and the husband have kept contact (through text) and she got extremely mad. She hit him, spat on him, and left the house and booked a hotel room. I got a call from him this morning explaining the situation. In the call, he told me he has to "sort his life together again" that he does not want to divorce her, that he has been extremely distant from his wife from before he even met me, and that ultimately means we should "talk less frequently, and not the way we talk anymore". I took this as my cue to block him, as this was just another way of him prioritising his relationship and treating my feelings like they did not matter. I am shattered.
I think I am writing this, other than to get advice, to let my feelings out. This is my story, the shortened version:
The husband and wife were my professors at university. I struggle with many symptoms associated with BPD, and since I was young, I would attach to my teachers - making them my "favorite person". I have a bad relationship with both my parents too. I suffer from severe depression and I fell in love with both of their classes - they would be my only motivation to go to university, but initially the husband's (because the wife was hired after). I wanted to do so good in his class, and I worked so hard and studied so much. I was infatuated with how smart he was. I had absolutely NO intention of anything romantic at all. Sooner or later his wife was hired, and I attached to her instantly. I felt as though they were my parents. I would call them my parents to my friends as a joke. We slowly got close as I would go to their offices a lot. I even gave them handwritten letters explaining how much I looked up to them. Again, I really meant nothing romantic of anything at all.
Fast forward, we became so close and they gave me their numbers. At this point I was 20 years old. The husband spent a week texting me, and that is when he thought I was romantically interested in having a relationship with both of them (I would compliment him a lot, and he eventually confessed in his interest and asked me if I felt the same way). I don't know why, but I felt as though I had to just accept this. So I did. I started looking up polyamory, something I have nothing against but had no knowledge about because I had not even dated anyone before. Clearly though, he did not do any research. He just found me as something exciting, something he had been missing, something to probably fix the mundane relation he has with his wife. I continued texting him, now romantically. He told me he is going to bring it up to his wife. Eventually he did - and that is when the relationship with all three of us started. And you can see how it continued to where it is now through the other post.
After the wife eventually forced no contact, I continued talking to the husband. He was not only someone I was romantically involved with, but someone I would ask for help, tell him everything all the time. Not a day would go by where he did not know what was going on with my life. Now that I have blocked him, I am completely distraught. I do not know what to do. I know I might sound ridiculous - but I genuinely feel as though I would rather die than lose him. He was the worst and the best thing in my life. I do not know how this is possible. I wish I would have never involved myself in their stupid relationship but I do not know anything that has given me more happiness than him. He saved me and ruined me.
Part of me is so angry that they did this to me. The other part of me wants to go to her hotel room and beg her not to divorce him. I am so angry and completely shattered. I do not know what to do. I would never wish being a unicorn on anyone. Thank you for listening.
Edit: I am not a student anymore. I had already finished my courses with them when I got romantically involved. That was the one thing I was strict on... making sure I wasn't getting grades or anything that I did not deserve...