u/Animasa99

I’m 30 (f) and looking for advice from people who have had to rebuild after everything seemed to collapse at once.

Over the past year, my brother died unexpectedly. Not long afterward, I had multiple strokes. I haven’t been able to work while recovering, lost much of my independence, and have been dealing with grief and medical trauma. I also lost a lot of my musical ability, while I have built my life around music for the last 10 years.

Throughout all of this, I thought the one thing I still had was my relationship. He was my best friend and the person I thought I would marry. We planned to move to the US (where he’s from) in 2027 on a K1 visa, and have a family, and that future was one of the things keeping me going.

I recently discovered he had been lying and cheating throughout our relationship. I had sensed something was wrong for a long time, but he would lie, fabricate explanations and even evidence, and make me question my own perception. My mental health deteriorated so badly that I genuinely believed I was the problem, sought psychiatric help and started antidepressants. Now I’m finding out that many of the things I thought I was “crazy” for suspecting were actually true. Some of what he hid even affect my sexual health. I feel betrayed, humiliated and violated. I’ve seen so many pictures of him cheating and can’t get the image of them out of my head.

I don’t want him back. I just feel like I lost two years of my life and now have to spend even more time recovering. I know 30 is still young, but in that relationship I realized I actually do want marriage and a family. These are supposed to be my prime years, and instead I feel like my life has become an endless cycle of surviving something and rebuilding afterward.

Before all of this, I was independent, working, studying, making music and excited about my future. Now I’m grieving my brother, recovering from strokes, finishing my thesis and trying to figure out what I even want my life to look like. I feel like I’ll never make it out the town I’ve felt stuck in my whole life.

I don’t want another “healing journey.” I’m tired. For anyone who has had their life fall apart, how did you start wanting your life again when you had no motivation or hope?

I’m 30 (f) and looking for advice from people who have had to rebuild after everything seemed to collapse at once.

Over the past year, my brother died unexpectedly. Not long afterward, I had multiple strokes. I haven’t been able to work while recovering, lost much of my independence, and have been dealing with grief and medical trauma. I also lost a lot of my musical ability, while I have built my life around music for the last 10 years.

Throughout all of this, I thought the one thing I still had was my relationship. He was my best friend and the person I thought I would marry. We planned to move to the US (where he’s from) in 2027 on a K1 visa, and have a family, and that future was one of the things keeping me going.

I recently discovered he had been lying and cheating throughout our relationship. I had sensed something was wrong for a long time, but he would lie, fabricate explanations and even evidence, and make me question my own perception. My mental health deteriorated so badly that I genuinely believed I was the problem, sought psychiatric help and started antidepressants. Now I’m finding out that many of the things I thought I was “crazy” for suspecting were actually true. Some of what he hid even affect my sexual health. I feel betrayed, humiliated and violated. I’ve seen so many pictures of him cheating and can’t get the image of them out of my head.

I don’t want him back. I just feel like I lost two years of my life and now have to spend even more time recovering. I know 30 is still young, but in that relationship I realized I actually do want marriage and a family. These are supposed to be my prime years, and instead I feel like my life has become an endless cycle of surviving something and rebuilding afterward.

Before all of this, I was independent, working, studying, making music and excited about my future. Now I’m grieving my brother, recovering from strokes, finishing my thesis and trying to figure out what I even want my life to look like. I feel like I’ll never make it out the town I’ve felt stuck in my whole life.

I don’t want another “healing journey.” I’m tired. For anyone who has had their life fall apart, how did you start wanting your life again when you had no motivation or hope?

Hi,

I’m still trying to process everything that’s happened, so I hope this makes sense.

Last week I ended up in the hospital after what I thought was a migraine. It turns out I’ve had multiple strokes. I just turned 30.

I’ve had 3 days of IV treatment and I’m going home tomorrow, but I still have months of recovery and follow-up ahead.

What really gets to me is how everything started.

The day it got really bad, I couldn’t speak or walk. I collapsed while FaceTiming my boyfriend, so I couldn’t even call for help myself. He had to call my friend, who came to my house. I was crawling on the floor, throwing up, trying to get to the door while she was outside. It took me almost an hour to open it. It was one of the scariest things I’ve ever experienced.

We tried to get help, but the ambulance didn’t come because of my age and it was assumed to be “just a migraine.” I was later sent home with my usual migraine medication (and that medication was later identified as the main culprit for the stroke). I normally see a female GP, but that day I had a male doctor and I felt like I really had to push to be taken seriously, without result. Looking back, that part is really hard to accept.

I only got proper care about a week later when I was in a different city, still feeling sick and called urgent care there. I was admitted immediately. From that point on, I was taken seriously and most of the doctors who treated me in the hospital were women, which honestly stood out to me, even though I know it’s not that simple.

They did find some permanent damage. I don’t fully feel the left side of my body, my thinking and memory are slower, and I’m really sensitive to light and sound. I’m functioning okay, but it’s scary. I’m an artist and musician and it’s already affecting that. I also had to stop strength training, which was a big part of my life.

I also had a lumbar puncture in the hospital that was extremely painful, and I just feel completely drained. I think I’m honestly a bit traumatized by how quickly everything escalated and how I was gaslit multiple times into believing that it was just a migraine and I was being dramatic.

I’m going home tomorrow but I live about 3 hours away from the hospital and I’m scared to leave. Here I feel monitored and safe. At home I feel like I’m supposed to trust my body again, and I don’t.

I guess I’m just wondering if anyone else has experienced something similar being dismissed. How do you deal with that loss of trust, both in your body and in the system that’s supposed to help you?

I’m really grateful to be alive, but I’m also just really overwhelmed and shaken.

Hi,

I never thought I’d end up here but I don’t really know who else to talk to.

Last week I went to the hospital after what I thought was a hemiplegic migraine. It turns out I’ve had multiple strokes. I just turned 30.

Right now they think it’s caused by inflammation of an artery in my brain. I’m finishing 3 days of IV prednisone and going home tomorrow. I still have to come back in 2 and 6 weeks for more treatment and get another MRI in about 10 weeks.

What really gets to me is how everything happened. The day it got bad I couldn’t speak or walk. I collapsed, was crawling on the floor, throwing up, trying to open the door while my friend was outside. It took almost an hour. It was one of the scariest things I’ve ever experienced. Thankfully I was already on FaceTime with my boyfriend so he was able to call my friend for help, as he lives 3 hours from me.

My friend tried to get me medical help but the ambulance refused to come because of my age and said it was just a migraine. The next day I was sent home by my GP with sumatriptan. Now the neurologists think that may have contributed to what happened. I know it’s not that simple but it completely destroyed my trust in healthcare where I live.

I only got taken seriously about a week later when I called urgent care in my boyfriend’s city. I was admitted immediately. They now think the inflammation started earlier and that day was when the strokes really happened. It’s hard to process that I was walking around like that.

They found some permanent damage. I have reduced feeling on my left side, some hypersensitivity, slower thinking and memory, and sensitivity to light and sound. I’m functioning okay but it’s scary. I’m an artist and musician and it’s already affecting that. I also can’t lift weights anymore, which was a big part of my life.

I also had a lumbar puncture which pushed me over the edge. It was extremely painful and I still feel completely drained. I think I’m honestly a bit traumatized by everything.

I’m going home tomorrow but I live about 3 hours away and I’m scared to leave. Here I feel safe because I’m being monitored. At home I feel like I’m supposed to trust my body again and I don’t.

I lost my brother in a traffic accident 2 months ago so I was already struggling before this. Now I just feel even more lost. I also had a trip planned to Spain. I finally gave myself permission to rest for the first time in years and now I can’t go. That hit me harder than I expected.

I do have support and I’m not alone, but mentally I feel really unsafe in my own body.

I’m just wondering if anyone else felt like this in the beginning. Does the fear get better? Does the feeling of not trusting your body go away?

I’m really grateful to be alive but I’m honestly overwhelmed and scared.

Would really appreciate hearing from people who’ve been through something similar 🤍