Hi,
I’m still trying to process everything that’s happened, so I hope this makes sense.
Last week I ended up in the hospital after what I thought was a migraine. It turns out I’ve had multiple strokes. I just turned 30.
I’ve had 3 days of IV treatment and I’m going home tomorrow, but I still have months of recovery and follow-up ahead.
What really gets to me is how everything started.
The day it got really bad, I couldn’t speak or walk. I collapsed while FaceTiming my boyfriend, so I couldn’t even call for help myself. He had to call my friend, who came to my house. I was crawling on the floor, throwing up, trying to get to the door while she was outside. It took me almost an hour to open it. It was one of the scariest things I’ve ever experienced.
We tried to get help, but the ambulance didn’t come because of my age and it was assumed to be “just a migraine.” I was later sent home with my usual migraine medication (and that medication was later identified as the main culprit for the stroke). I normally see a female GP, but that day I had a male doctor and I felt like I really had to push to be taken seriously, without result. Looking back, that part is really hard to accept.
I only got proper care about a week later when I was in a different city, still feeling sick and called urgent care there. I was admitted immediately. From that point on, I was taken seriously and most of the doctors who treated me in the hospital were women, which honestly stood out to me, even though I know it’s not that simple.
They did find some permanent damage. I don’t fully feel the left side of my body, my thinking and memory are slower, and I’m really sensitive to light and sound. I’m functioning okay, but it’s scary. I’m an artist and musician and it’s already affecting that. I also had to stop strength training, which was a big part of my life.
I also had a lumbar puncture in the hospital that was extremely painful, and I just feel completely drained. I think I’m honestly a bit traumatized by how quickly everything escalated and how I was gaslit multiple times into believing that it was just a migraine and I was being dramatic.
I’m going home tomorrow but I live about 3 hours away from the hospital and I’m scared to leave. Here I feel monitored and safe. At home I feel like I’m supposed to trust my body again, and I don’t.
I guess I’m just wondering if anyone else has experienced something similar being dismissed. How do you deal with that loss of trust, both in your body and in the system that’s supposed to help you?
I’m really grateful to be alive, but I’m also just really overwhelmed and shaken.