What to do if in-laws are causing a strain in my relationship?
Me (21F) and my partner (26M) have been living together for a little under a year. I moved from my hometown to his so we can be closer together since we had been long distance and felt it was time . My hometown is an hour away and I only see my family 1-2x max a month and I don’t mind it as much because I have the idea that I’m building a life and hopefully family with my partner. However , he sees his family 2+ times a week . I don’t usually mind it but I will admit. Sometimes I get a little hurt when I’m planning a nice dinner or have plans for us and he tells me his mom wants him to go eat with them or something comes up with his family so we have to cancel what I have planned or his mom will be hurt . On top of that , they call him to go work on their cars , clean their yard , and basically any inconvenience they call him . There is 8 people in their household , and 3 of them are men . I try to understand why they can’t have any of other men that live there do these things instead of constantly putting it on my partner . When he declines they guilt trip him for not doing his “son” and “brother” duties. I don’t say anything about this to him or them but it’s a bother to me because I feel like he does more for their home than ours . I don’t feel welcome at their house and now it has got even worse. Me and my partner got into a huge argument a couple months ago . He then called his sisters (36F) and (40F) and his brother to come to our house and help him get his things because he wanted space . When they came in I was here and they began talking about my house being dirty (I work a FT job I can’t keep house clean 24/7) , and began attacking me with accusations and insults. I didn’t say anything bad to them only told them I wanted to speak to my partner about what will be happening , unsure if I need to pack my things to move back home . They disrespected me very badly and I still have not reconciled with them . My partner still sees them constantly and every time he comes home he tells me they want me to apologize to them and that I have to be the one to fix things . It has been the main reason for our arguments recently and I truly am trying to put my pride aside and fix things but I don’t feel it is right that I have to be the one to apologize when they are the ones that came into my home and attacked me? At this point I wonder if there is even a fix to this situation . I feel that no matter what I do his family will always hate me and guilt trip him for trying to build his own life away from them .