We’re bringing out the worst in each other…
My husband (32) and I (30) have been together for 6 years (married for 3) and have a 2-year-old. For the first few years, we were best friends who genuinely enjoyed each other's presence. He originally didn't want marriage or kids due to childhood trauma, but said he changed his mind after meeting me, though he does still bring it up.
Since becoming parents, our relationship has hit a wall. We have different parenting styles, levels of patience, and expectations. I’m a SAHM and he works full-time, but he views his off-hours as off-duty for parenting, too. He’ll expect me to handle basic tasks like diaper changes even while he’s home because he’s "worked all day/week”.
The resentment is stacking up on both sides. I’ve lost the desire for intimacy because I need an emotional connection to feel physical, and right now, everything he says irritates me.
With that being said, I am by no means a perfect partner or parent, and I’m sure he is feeling very similarly about me. We are really just bringing out the worst in each other these days. We aren’t disrespectful, but the bickering is constant and we no longer appreciate each other’s company.
I feel an immense pressure to stay and make this work. We just bought a house last year that my parents helped us secure financially, and our child is only 2. I obviously have no income so not sure what I’d do or where I’d go if we separated. I also know that the financial burden of alimony and child support would likely mess him up, and he is a very frugal person who already stresses about money. Because of that frugality, he has been pretty resistant to the cost of therapy.
I feel stuck. I’m grieving the partnership we used to have, but I don’t know how to bridge this gap when we’re both so burnt out. Is there any saving this, or are we just roommates bound by a mortgage?
TL;DR: Marriage of 6 years hit a wall after kids. Resentment is high, intimacy is zero, and husband refuses therapy due to cost. We’re tied together by a toddler and a house we just bought. How do I bridge the gap when we’re both burnt out and miserable?