So, I have been with this guy for over 3 years, but because of school we are long distance and live with our parents, when I visit or he visits he is amazing, but when we are not physically together, these problems start occuring.
We are arguing about these few things all the time over and over, basically I need him to do a few small things (at least they seem small to me) for me to be comfortable. I am quite the anxious person and I need those to feel important, like he cares for me, I need some reassurance basically.
I want him to reply to my messages, not instantly, I understand that he may not be near his phone, he might not have service, he might be at work dirty, etc., but he then comes home, sits down at his pc, opens discord, where I texted him, so he must see the message, he proceeds to ignore it and does whatever, usually goes to play with his friends or starts a game. I dont understand why its so difficult to spare me a few seconds to reply when I have told him a million times it hurts me when he doesnt. I text him and wait often hours, I give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe he really is still at work, maybe his internet is down, smthn, but then I find out he has been home on discord for ages and just ignored me? He can at least let me know in a short message that he has plans, or that he isnt in the mood, but not ignore me.
Similarly, I need him to keep his word, when he sais "be here in an hour" I expect him to be there, or at least text me if he cant make it or smthn. Or he sais "I will play a game or two with my friends" and proceeds to play like four to five. Its not like I need him there all the time, but when he promises something and proceeds to violate it, it doesnt give me the best feeling, I feel forgotten, not important.
All of these things happening very often leave me feeling not important, like he doesnt care. He knows these things hurt me, I have told him a million times, he promised to not do them, but he does them anyways. It feels like he doesnt care that he is hurting me which is kind off evident from his way of "dealing" with these issues when I bring them up. I tell him "hey, you did that thing again, you promised you wouldnt, it hurt me" and his response is basically "thats too bad", like he doesnt care. Sometimes he gets defensive as well. I would be fine if he apologised, mistakes happen, but he never seems like it even bugs him that he made me feel bad.
His reasoning is that he doesnt understand it, that he wouldnt feel that way, so he feels I must be manipulating him and must want him to spend all his time with me, which I dont, I just need him to basically do it in a different way that doesnt hurt me, like telling me about plans in advance, keeping his word, or at least letting me know when he cant, responding. I feel like this is the bare minimum, like this cant be difficult, I dont want him to move mountains for me, so I dont understand why is it such a problem for him to do.