2 years ago, my life changed course yet again. Sometimes I still feel like I'm in limbo trying to find my path. Other days I feel like making an entirely new path, and on some other days I feel completely lost like I'm standing in a field of nothingness.
My life has never stayed on a path that I made (37f). Life always goes off course. That is the only consistency in my life, is the lack of consistency. I, much like a lot of people, do not enjoy change this often. It comes with heartache, hard times, and the sense that you have no idea what is going to come next so you can't really plan for anything.
I do, however, want people to know that you are not alone if you've found yourself wondering why the heck you can't walk on a path you thought was meant for you.
But, I am also am here to say that I've stopped stressing so much. What does stressing yourself out to the point of giving yourself an autoimmune disease (hello me) even help? nothing, it helps nothing and doesn't change anything. Call me a sheep, call me placated and that it's not the right way to be, i don't care. I've already grieved multiple parts of my life and even the fact that because of the trajectory of our current economic situation, I likely will have to work until my body or mind fully gives out.
I do not write this for sympathy or the want for someone to come in and fix anything. I write this to say that despite the fact I've been on the receiving end of change over and over, I am satisfied with what my life is currently. I'm at peace that I have no idea what is going to happen from day to day and wake up each day and just try and do my best and be my best self.
I will continue forward until I come to the next fork or unpaved path and continue forward even then. Maybe that's what my life is supposed to be. To show others around me that your plan will constantly change but you can still move forward should you choose. I don't think my life was ever meant for a "normal" trajectory.. but what is normal anyways?