Background: We met last summer, and I was immediately drawn to him. He seemed to check every box, from appearance to shared interests. We were both single and shared the same hobby, so we started spending time together. However, from the very beginning he was emotionally reserved and kept me at arm’s length, even though he also told me he was interested in me and had noticed how much we had in common.
We briefly tried dating romantically, but it went nowhere because of his avoidance. This is where I made a mistake: instead of ending things completely, I wanted us to stay friends. At that point, my crush turned into limerence.
The friendship has been difficult - you probably know the avoidant push-pull dynamic. We’ve had a few fights and came close to cutting each other off completely several times. However, this year things had actually been going fairly well, and his walls had started to come down a little. We had some genuinely warm and meaningful moments together, and we had grown close enough that I was planning to finally address the elephant in the room and ask whether he would want to give a romantic relationship another chance.
I never got the chance, because he suddenly pulled away harder than ever before. Not only did his messages become infrequent again, cold and dismissive, but he also canceled almost all of our plans together, including a day trip we had planned for next Saturday.
That was the final straw for me, and something inside me just shut off. I decided to stop trying and stop reaching out to him (I was usually the one suggesting meeting up or doing things together). Complete no contact is difficult, maybe impossible, because we’re in the same hobby group and share mutual friends.
Still, it feels like I’m finally starting to let go. I don’t have the energy to keep caring so much anymore, or to keep hoping for the best. The limerence itself hasn’t ended yet - I still think about him constantly - but my thoughts and feelings are very different now than they used to be. I think this is the beginning of the end.
Does anyone else have experience with limerence towards an avoidant person? I’d really like to hear your experiences, especially how it ended if you’ve managed to get over it.