i am stuck, confused about wheter i should give it another chance or let go.
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I am 21f,I am in a 4-year relationship and I'm honestly confused about whether I should give it another chance or let go.
My boyfriend can be very loving and caring in many ways. He buys me surprise chocolates and gifts, waits for me after class, walks me to the bus, pampers me a lot, and clearly loves me deeply. We also have a lot of good memories together.
But at the same time, the relationship has been emotionally draining for me because our communication is really bad and almost every conversation turns into arguments, misunderstandings, or me crying.
Some issues that bothered me over the years:
He has ignored my calls several times and later justified it by saying his phone was on auto-reject mode.
He missed/forgot important days like my birthdays multiple times.
- He used to make comments about my dressing. For example, when I wore a crop top (nothing too revealing), he asked me why I wanted to "show off my body," said I don't understand society, and compared me to his classmates and even his sister.
He has spoken against feminism before and didn't like that I'm feminist-minded. Later he said he was "just joking."
He had boundaries about my male friends, like not allowing them to pat my shoulder.
-He have also ghosted me for months furing our 1st yr nd also for days.
- Even though some of these issues were "resolved" after many arguments, the emotional impact stayed with me.
I'll admit I also became more angry and reactive over time because I felt frustrated and unheard. Sometimes I ended up shouting during fights too.
Recently I decided to talk of these issues and a break in relation because I felt mentally exhausted. Since then, he has been crying, pleading, and asking for one more chance. He says his mistakes were misunderstandings and not serious enough to break up over, and that he has already changed in areas like the dressing issue.
I genuinely can't tell if this is a relationship worth saving because of the love and effort he shows sometimes, or if we are just fundamentally incompatible and emotionally draining for each other. But during these 4yrs we had good moments, happy, enjoyed each other, took efforts,took care. So thinking of these efforts and long term attachment it feels heavy
Pls help. I feel stuck. Can't decide. I am self doubting myself if I am exaggerating small problems.
He says these are small problems Just focus on all happiness we had I dont know what to do