It hasn’t even been a month since Dday (check my post history if you’re interested), which was also the day our relationship ended. I’m firm in that decision, and I haven’t looked back since.
I pretty quickly decided to make a profile on a dating app. Honestly, mostly just to get some validation, but also because I’m a very sexual person and I miss (good!) sexual contact.
I’ve seen several people suggest asking your matches about what kind of porn they like (instead of asking them IF they watch porn) to weed out porn users.
I thought that was a great idea! So I tried that too and quickly removed quite a few people at that expense.
But I’ve also experienced that some say they don’t watch it ( I’m making a continuous effort to still trust in men!). I then ask about their reasons for this choice and so far, the ONLY reason I’ve gotten is that it’s not good for HIMSELF: That he’d rather have sex with a real woman than with his hand, and similar explanations.
I can feel that I’m just not satisfied with that rationale! It just doesn’t cut it for me because it’s still about him and his own ego... Right?
I feel like I can ONLY date someone who never even started (do those even exist in this day and age?) or someone who stopped because they felt morally bad about it: Because they could see that they help sustain an industry that is degrading and oppressive to women, an industry that is inherently misogynistic, that they contribute to trafficking, and so on.
MAYBE I could date someone who “only” sees that it ruins so many relationships, so many couples’ sex lives, so many women’s self-esteem...
But NOT someone who “just” quit because it was bad for them personally.
What are your thoughts? Is that totally unrealistic?
What have you done in situations like this?”
Btw, what’s with these excuses I’ve come across so far:
“I only watch porn where it’s focused on the woman’s pleasure.”
“I only watch it like once or twice a month.”
“I only watch porn where the woman is masturbating; she doesn’t even have contact with a man”
and
“I only watch hentai; no real people are involved”?
Urgh, give me a break!
(Also, what are the lamest excuses you’ve heard? I’m curious!)