I've been meaning to post here for a long time, and I was afraid to because I knew he could possibly find this if he looked hard enough, but I realized he has no power over me anymore and I'm not afraid of him so I shouldn't be afraid to be honest about my experience.
I had a best friend with severe BPD who did a lot of the things you'd expect an abuser with BPD to do, such as splitting and switching from wanting to hug me to treating me like I am the scum of the earth. Despite preaching about how he wanted our relationship to be equal, whenever I tried advocating for myself and sticking up for myself, I'd be bullied and guilted into silence—you know the drill.
After years of dealing with him and being constantly miserable and unhappy because of him, one day changed everything. He was in a vent channel of ours, trying to bring up something that had been resolved years ago, insulting me about it and trying to drag me back into the past. This time, instead of allowing him to walk all over me, I stood up for myself and told him I didn't want to talk about it.
He tried to guilt me into it, saying him deriding me for what happened in the past was his healing process. I told him I didn't want to talk about it and his 'healing process' was damaging to me. Part of the reason why I stood up for myself here wasn't just because I was starting to get sick of him, but because I wanted to make him proud.
He always subtly placed himself above me and made me out to be the main issue of the relationship. A complaint he constantly threw at me was that I was afraid of him and that I wouldn't hold him accountable for things, and I thought this time would be different because I'm holding him accountable for what he was doing.
At first he apologized and we hugged it out (not physically, we're online friends)
but then, I noticed his discord status was all about vehement hatred and I asked him about it. He revealed that his apology was a complete and utter lie he said to manipulate me. We fought about it and I was completely and utterly shocked at his behavior and how it contradicted everything I thought I knew about him and his moral character.
The moment that truly opened my eyes to the person he really was is the moment he essentially tried to decide my 'nature' and what i really wanted for me.
"You say that [you want honesty], but I don't believe you and will never believe you. You operate first and wear your heart on your sleeve — it just is not in your nature to want brutal honesty first". This is despite YEARS and years of our friendship being spent dealing with dishonesty from others and even each other.
The moment I realized the kind of person he was.
I stopped replying at that moment and stared at my screen in shock.
To make a very long story short, I took a very long mental health break from social media for a month to get away from him, and found that my life was a lot more peaceful without him in it. I gradually removed him and my other best friend (who was supporting him throughout and joining in on what he was doing: removing me from servers and spreading lies about me) from my life and I eventually completely cut them off. He wrote a 10 page document about me to spread to others and make me out to be a villain for having basic boundaries, and used AI to tell my side of the story in a way that validates him as if it were 100% correct and could read my mind.
(This is despite the fact only a moment earlier in the very same document, he said this.)
its been a year since I last spoke to him and anyone associated my life has become so much better. I've recovered a lot and a majority of my friendships now are much more healthy and safe. I will never let someone like this in my life again. I will in control over my life now that I've gotten rid of him and other toxic people in my life. I retroactively realized so many things that was wrong with my relationship with him and so many things he did that I didn't hold him accountable for. I just try to move on and promise myself I'll never let someone slide like that again.
I know I'm lucky because there are a lot of people who still feel trapped in their relationships with people like this.
I don't really know what else to say, I just wanted to open up about my experience with a previous loved one who had BPD who was ruining my life. I'm still recovering and gradually undoing the damage he caused me and my psyche, and I occasionally still notice things in the way I conduct myself that were caused by him that I'm trying to get rid of.