u/Annoyingmous10

I (28yo) lost my husband (31yo) against cancer 2 months ago, i have been sleeping w his shirt in bed and now i had the shirt put on the pillow w his scent. Ive been hugging and kissing the pillow, it makes me think that its him. I talk to him a lot wherever im going . Like i really think he’s here, like he’s now my guardian angel. There are days that i feel like im very ok bcoz i think he’s always here. But most days, it hits me that im alone & feel like im drowning. I get home and its very quiet. It’s just my dog and I. I miss him very much and it hurts so badly. It’s also difficult for me to interact to people coz i dont want them to feel uncomfortable with my sadness and grief. My friends and family wont understand. One time my mother asked me why i suddenly cry, for her it was like i broke up w someone or just lose a pet. I dont want my friends to be uncomfortable with my grief. Grief support is an hr drive from home, cost a lot of gas. Anyway, It seems like everything is pointless . To live without him is pointless. I want to join him.

How do you guys deal with ur grief?

I (28F) lost my husband (31yo) a month ago against bone cancer. He’s always fretting over my bday, always messaged the entire family to remind them w gifts before the month of my actual bday :( . My mother-in-law & his grandma would say “He wont stop reminding us even when it’s already in our calendar 😅.” He would always asked me what i wanted to do and he would planned for it. I just moved here with him 3 years ago and we’ve only been together for 3 years as well w the cancer already. We dated for 6 years total. I feel so lonely & my birthday is in May 4. His entire family went on vacation and im just by myself. My family and friends live in different country. So it’s just me and our baby chihuahua. I dont know what i should do for my bday, i just wanna be with him :’( i dont want to be here on earth. Everyday sucks without him. I miss going home to him yelling that Im home- kiss him and his forehead while his completely tied to his bed from the last 6 months. I miss saying good morning & nigh to him. Telling him all my troubles, telling him the books i read, act weird with him , being silly and quirky. I miss having my bestfriend with me, my soulmate and my love forever. I wish i can join him coz i dont see any purpose of being here. Everyday i try to be strong and pretend to be nice and happy. But inside i am bitter, angry and jealous bcoz they have someone to go home to. Whenever i see people who were physically ill or have cancer esp online, i would say to myself “Just give up. theres really nothing to look forward here on earth, nothing point of grasping no purpose. Everyone is saying it’s a better place up there, why dont you just go”.