Wife; Using a not main account because irl people know of it, don't know if this is the right place to post, if not I would appreciate it if someone pointed me in the right direction
Hi all, I am husband writing for my wife to post (I dont use reddit) asking for help with our enmeshment situation
There is a bit of a story to tell but it needs to be told to understand
Me and my wife had to escape a traumatic situation that I dont want to go into, but I was stateless at the time, and I would have been homeless had my wifes mother not taken us in
We lived with her for 2 years and saved up every penny to buy a house and deal with my immigration status, eventually when we looked to buy a house we were laughed out by the mortgage people because they didn't want to offer a mortgage on a 100,000 dollar property, even though we had a big down payment and great credit score, so instead of finding a different company, I came up with possibly the worst idea of my life
You see wifes grandmother lived down the road in a run down house with her autistic child of 70 years of age, said child spends all of her money on supplements that his doctor has told him are killing him
I figured if we bought this place and charged a rent we could afford to live independently afterwards, while also repairing a house that looks like a crack house so that grandma and uncle live in better conditions
We also tried to get the state to pay us to take care of grandma since she is bedridden
We formed an agreement based on this and bought the property with the whole family in agreement, and then moved into the attic of this hoarded, disgusting house
Then the problems really started, wifes mother has an open door policy with our house, which is walking distance from hers, and at that point in time banned us from cleaning, as the floor to ceiling hoarded junk is essentially grandpas legacy to sell for 50cents in the front yard and we are to live around it, despite cleaning and repairing the house being the point, and they then did not pay the rent, despite agreeing to this we were stuck carrying the household on our backs, which ate through our entire savings fund, we were eventually able to stabilize but they only heard our pleas once we were too poor to have the power to do anything about it, and then it got so much worse
At this point we're in panic mode about my immigration, we have to hire an expensive lawyer and just can't afford this, we can't just offload the house because innocent grandma will be the victim, and we're stuck in perma hell, we manage to "negotiate" them paying the electric bill, and mother in law pays for my immigration out of the "kindness of her heart" but that means she owns me, and I have to do everything she wants me to like slave labor and it was like this for a year
There's so much more, she's just in our space constantly, expects to know what we're doing and gets mad when we're not home by hours she likes, its sickening, also uncle uses the kitchen as a catchall and the entire house is a mess, like an almost unlivable mess, but it's an investment and our future and we're basically trapped, I'm gaining weight from not being able to use the kitchen and it costs us *so much money* because we cant eat at home unless it's noodles or something, and uncle is at this stage getting violent and screaming at me and occasionally my wife, at this point he figured out I am non christian and basically told me to my face that he should kill me for my religious views, this is a mentally ill 70 year old who has told us he is armed with a revolver, living in my house with no lockable door inbetween him and where we sleep, so I've bought a gun and basically sleep with it for a long time wife doesnt really see the abuse, eventually we are able to give mother an ultimatum, that she needs to help us offload the junk with a boxtruck to the tip or dumpster, she says yes, we take a week off to clean, she comes over for a day to help a little despite complaining the whole time and doing little, and after stopping us from getting a dumpster ourselves ("she'll handle it") shows up with a pickup truck, and doesnt take anything, just lives a mountain of junk in our yard, that is still there now a year later
After this my wife starts getting noticably sicker, she's allergic to something local (most likely a pollen) and this has evolved into her being allergic to basically every food, she cant eat fruits anymore even though they were her favorite, she went into anaphylactic shock from a strawberry, and this is when I gave up, and started talking to her mother about us moving because my wife is sick, and letting her know grandma needs to be in a home because we can't carry this weigh
This turned into screaming, yelling and violence, she's told the whole town that we're evil bastards and has basically told us if we try to leave she'll accuse us of manipulating grandma for the house, this was a year ago, since then we've tried getting a HELOC to buy a property, I had the big brained idea of buying a rental property to cashflow and increase our income so we can get a traditional mortgage so that grandma can live here without worry and there will be no further trouble, but despite succeeding, the cashflow isn't enough to cover us getting a mortgage, especially with the additional costs incurred getting the place profitable since we didnt know what we were doing well, and the place we bought is in the murder capitol of the country, it's not a place we could safely live (we are considering it if we just can't make anything else work though)
At this stage my heart is failing from inflammation due to the condition the property is kept in, I have stage 2 hypertension and it's getting worse, we can't afford medical care, doctors have made it clear that living here is the reason we are sick, we can't afford immigration fees when they come around again next year, we're trapped, it has been 2 years in this hell house, we've been married for 2 years, we have not gotten to experience being newlyweds, wifes mother is entirely focused on entrapping us so that we are forced to take care of her in her retirement, and if we try to sell or escape in any way we're going to be accused of manipulating grandma, we dont have a support network, we're both slowly dying, wife has finally realized that mother is abusive but we're scared
I dont know what the HELL to do, I know we have to evict grandma and her son, but if I do that I feel I'm inviting legal trouble, and grandma is completely innocent, she is a kind lady who does not deserve her family, I want her to go to a good home, but I know her daughter will not put her in one and will make it our responsibility somehow, the whole town hates us because of how she talks about this, and all of this is without touching on the abuse she gave my wife as a child, to the point we were scared and uncomfortable to have to live with her as we did, and I feel incredibly stupid for thinking she was better (I grew up without a family, I've always wanted one, this situation blindsided me), we are also incredibly broke in spite of the rental property because of how hard we've pushed everything just to try and make family happy, if anything goes wrong at this point I dont know what we will do, both of us grew up in abusive households and both of us feel like incapable children dealing with the apocalypse
any advice on where to start or where to get help would be appreciated, I just want us to get out and be safe