u/Annual-Secretary9543

I'm (23f) an EU citizen with settled status. I just finished my master's in the UK and live in England with my boyfriend (24m) of 1 year (he's on a graduate visa, soon to switch to a skilled worker visa). Even though we live together, all our expenses are separate and we keep everything 50/50 (rent, groceries, bills, council tax).

I am actively looking for a job (both in my field and in retail/hospitality) to support myself; however, I do not know how long it will take me to find a position. I have some savings, which will last me 2 months max with current flat expenses, even if I am very careful.

I was trying to apply for council tax reduction or Universal Credit (given that I have worked a year full-time previously), but in every form, living as a couple with someone who is earning makes the benefits I could get inaccessible.

Given that my partner does not support me financially, can I claim I am living with a roommate? We are renting a one-bed flat, so I'm not sure how credible that is.

Or are there any other solutions for my situation?

Thanks!

I feel like life is happening to me, no matter what I do. It's been like this as long as I can remember. All I can do is try to mitigate the impact my life has on others, but I am not always successful at it. In fact, I think it sometimes makes things worse, like this way of coping upsets others, but I don't know how else to live. It's like I'm not being normal or a person, and I feel like people sense it and get annoyed or disgusted maybe?

Can I learn to break this pattern? Can I reclaim a sense of control over my future? I've tried a few therapy sessions over the year, but nothing really worked, and I also felt like I was inconveniencing the therapist. This thought cycle is so deeply ingrained in me; it's like a filter through which I see everything and myself.

I was given lots of chances in life, and I feel like a huge waste of potential and undeserving of all I have. I also worry a lot about climate change, and I feel like my existence is a strain on the planet. If I could erase myself I would, but I dont want to cause pain to my family as Ive heard its really hard to recover from losing someone like that.

What is this, is it depression or something else ? Do other people feel like this too?