I (31f) want to play video games with my bf (25m) but he doesn't like any of the titles I suggest because they're not "his type of games". What can I do to find a compromise without crossing personal boundaries?
My bf and I have been living together for almost and year and we're both gamers but we like different genres.
He enjoys competitive action games like Helldivers, War Thunder, and Chivalry 2.
I enjoy RPGs and indie titles (especially the cozy ones) like Witcher 3, Stardew Valley, and Tower Unite.
Both of us play games to relax and de-stress but we enjoy them for different reasons. He enjoys combat, upgrading gear, and generally anything more fast-paced that requires quick reaction time and strategy. I like exploration, crafting/building, and completing missions/storylines - I'm very leisurely when it comes to games and enjoy things at a slower pace.
I'm pretty flexible when it comes to video games because I don't mind trying something new even if it's outside my comfort zone, so I have no issues playing games he suggests. We've played Sea of Thieves, Overcooked, Schedule I, Mario Kart, and Among Us together and I had fun - even though they're games I don't normally play on my own. For me, I value the quality time and bonding experience I get out of playing together more than the actual game itself.
But he's very averse to any of the games I suggest because they're not "his type of games" and for him, if a game is too slow or casual it feels "like work" or "a chore" and he won't enjoy it - so he doesn't want to try Stardew Valley or Super Mario Wonder even though they support multiplayer co-op. Most of the games I've suggested playing together he doesn't want to play and he feels strongly about not playing something he's not going to enjoy because he uses gaming to decompress and de-stress.
Recently, I got him into No Man's Sky, and I got really excited because it's one of my favorite games to play and I thought "Finally, something we both like and can finally play together!" But unfortunately the multiplayer isn't completely fleshed out so there's a limited amount of things to actually do together - like Nexus missions and building bases (neither of which are mechanics he enjoys). Most of the time when we play, we wind up doing our own things and co-existing in the same systems but not really doing anything *together*. Even if we do start out playing together, it's only a matter of time before he leaves me in-game to go off and do something else on a different planet and then we're right back to just co-existing. He says we like the same game for different reasons and that it doesn't support multiplayer enough to be able to do more things together, which I don't disagree but I'd be lying if I said I didn't find it frustrating because for me, I just want to have quality time doing something we both like!
We don't have issues with shared activities outside of video games. We've gone on dates and outings, painted together, and night walks in the park. We've even played games together at arcades and had a blast. But with playing video games at home, it's just been really challenging to find a shared video game we both enjoy and can actually play together. And I do find it frustrating that we can only play games he suggests, because the games I suggest he refuses to play. When I bring up that I feel it's a little unfair that I'm willing to play games he suggests even if they're not "my usual games" but he's not willing to do the same for me, he tells me that I'm being unfair because I'm asking him to do something he's not going to enjoy/doesn't want to do, and "I'm not going to ask you to do something you're not going to enjoy just to spend time with me"
He thinks we should either find a game we both like or focus our energy on shared activities outside of video games because to him, video games are a space for him to de-stress and he doesn't want relationship stress or expectations to bleed into that. But for me, one of my favorite shared activities to do - especially with a partner - is to play video games together. I'm willing to compromise but I feel like in the long-term, not being able to play video games together as a shared activity would kinda bum me out. For me, I see it as a shared bonding experience and I really want to have that.
What are ways we can compromise on this and find a middle ground? Are there any game suggestions that include a good mix of action and exploration/building that we could both enjoy?