Help me start a convo with son in law re:$
Our daughter is married to a great guy. They’ve been together a long time - married 6 yrs and lived together for 5 yrs before that. We are very generous with our family, paying for vacations, meals when we are together, moderately expensive gifts. (Not jewelry or Hermes/LV bags)
We have noticed that he keeps their finances separate. He makes considerably more than she does and she scrambles to pay her share of expenses and her automotive expenses. He has not added her to the deed of their home but she pays HOA fees and utilities. I know the trolls will come out and suggest he is hiding a secret family or addictions. I’m confident neither are in play. I don’t think his family taught him how these things work. Our other children are in marriages where the spouse who makes the most carries more of the burden. It’s starting to bother me more and more as she dips into her savings to buy things like new brakes on her car or medical expenses. My spouse and I (her bio parents) are going to be doing a refresh of our wills and trusts and I’m thinking I should be protecting her interests. I’m not saying he’d use/abuse her funds at all but I am thinking if he’s gatekeeping his earnings I should make sure there is something that’s just hers as well. I know we should speak with them about all of this but I don’t know how to start. I’m anxious and afraid it will cause tension between us all. I have never seen him angry and again I’m confident there is no abuse in their marriage. She wouldn’t tolerate that and she’s close to her sister who would definitely not keep that a secret.
So my ask is how do we start this conversation and what do we suggest as solutions. What do we reference as examples of how a married couple deals with their finances.
Thank you