I have always knew I would dread the day I get married because of how difficult my mother is. However, this is incredibly disheartening and shocking to see the behavior towards my own decisions for my wedding.
My partner and I (more myself) don’t care for spending thousands of dollars on one single day. We would like our marriage to be intimate and personal to us and our immediate family.
We first decided on a backyard wedding and started planning for it. A week ago we got a call that the owner (close family member) was having second thoughts and changed their mind about us using their yard. Although it was a little disheartening, it is their property and there decision.
We decided today, after searching through venues and other ideas, that we would elope. A trip just for our parents, us, and our siblings. Something small but a great time. We decided on doing Yellowstone due to easy permits, cheap flights and absolutely gorgeous! I advocated for my mother to move our wedding date for a time she is already off of work and offered to pay for her and her husband’s plane ticket out of kindness because I knew she wouldn’t enjoy the idea.
Today we checked in with all of our immediate family on our idea. Everyone loved it except my mother. She immediately blew up on me on the phone. I wish I remembered every word she said because it was absolutely horrific. Essentially saying that she refuses to go to my wedding, it was personal attack on her, and called myself, my fiance and his family and my father horrible names. It was a complete nightmare. Due to not getting the reaction she wanted from me, she threatened to destroy my wedding dress that she asked to hold onto after I bought it, and she texted my future mother in law terrible things.
I’m used to putting up with her tantrums, but this is so unacceptable. She came up with every excuse on why it’s a bad idea and against her from she doesn’t “travel”, her husband is “sick”, etc. but I know deep down it’s because it’s not what she wants. It’s not a place where she can show off and no one will be there to show off. She said it best “I thought you cared about family” when my family is going to be there?
I’m not changing my decision. And if she still wants to come great. If she doesn’t great. I guess I’m at the point now where I’m over it completely. If she wants to disown me as a daughter because I want my wedding to be what me and my future husband want then fine.
Has anyone ever had to deal with their narcissistic mother on their wedding day and any advice on how to get through it?