Struggling with porn and life (Just venting)
I've had a hard time trying to break the cycle I've been in for years. I've watched porn since I was in elementary school, so it's deep deep rooted, I was around a lot of bad influences in my life, was even taken advantage of (dealt with that trauma in therapy, I'm good)... the main thing I still struggle with is porn, sometimes I watch it and I'm just numb, I don't know why I even turn it on at this point.
I'm also married to someone who watches porn more frequently than I do. I can go maybe a month without it, but once I start watching it again it takes me 2-3 weeks to try and will myself to stop, it's a vicious cycle, and each time I feel guilty and ashamed. I want to quit, but at this point I feel like giving up even trying, the farthest I got without watching porn was 3 months, so that was huge for me, but looking back on it now, I don't even know if I could do it again. I feel weak.
I know that when it comes to addiction it's hard, people have to get help to overcome it, and I guess that's the road I will have to take, because my own efforts to quit aren't working. I want my spouse and myself to succeed in beating this addiction. I'm just so tired at this point.