Wife doesnt initiate intimacy at all anymore
I'm worried, been together 13yrs, married for 3yrs.
I've always known my wife has a lower libido than i do, but lately she doesnt initiate at all anymore.
As in all relationships, the first year(s) were off the charts sexually, and that graduately slows down, but remains quite steady, like having sex a couple of times a week. Sometimes more, sometimes less.
Same for us.l, but now not at all anymore
I was always realy happy to cuddle, kiss, grope, and generaly being realy into my wife sexually.
And 9 out of 10 times that led to happy fun sexy time.
But as time went by, she started making comments like, 'ugh, you only think about one thing dont you', and, 'stop doing that, you only want me for one thing dont you'.
This caught me off guard, as generally i would bring her flowers from time to time, some unexpected gifts here and there, helping her with all the stuff in and around the house, and taking her out on dinner dates just connecting and enyoing eachother without expecting sexy time. (As this would be a natural thing to occur if the stars are alligned so to speak)
As things were slowing down in the bedroom, she suddenly started being 'aggresive' in the way she tried to seduce me.
Like forcefully grabbing my face and trying to start an agressive make out session, and 'playfully' pretending to try to hit me in the balls with a closed fist (which makes me flinge, like i think any guy would) but immidiately after being all sweet and soft about it, and dismissing my feelings about this whole approach.
I told here multiple times i didnt like her 'aggresive' approach and would like her to be more soft and feminine in her ways trying to sedduce me.
Told her how i would like to be seduced, and what gets me going.
Apparently that hit a nerve, and since then, she doesnt initiate at all anymore, and told me its my job to seduce her (also in a specific way) and if i dont check all the boxes set by her, than nothings gonna happen.
This made me very anxious, nervous and reluctant to initiate, because, what if i dont do it all correctly and get denied anytime i try to initiate?
Now i'm worried, because sexual seduction in a relationship is a 2 way street, and not a scoreboard to see who has initated last time, and who is next to iniate, because i'm feeling that thats where we are headed.
Last month i apparently got everything right, and we had sex since a long time, and it was good, not spectecular, but just good.
But now, i'm wondering how to proceed, because i'm still not seeing a difference in her behaviour, and still failing to see her initiate any sexy time, which got me worried and somewhat frustrated.
tl;dr bedroom is cooling down, wife set a specific set of rules on how to seduce her, but doesnt initiate herself anymore. What to do now?
update Thanks for the advice everyone, i will plan another date night and try to get the conversation going, as i feel that would be the best option at this point.