Thoughts on actively looking to date single parents?
I 32f got out of a long relationship a while back and it's triggered some self reflection, so I am re-examining what kind of life I actually want to live. Part of that thought process is obviously if I want kids, which is where this thought came up:
I would like to be a mom, but I don't want to be pregnant/have my own bio kids. Part of that is my/my family's medical history (pregnancy could be dangerous to me and baby, also history of cancer in my family), the process of pregnancy really wigs me out, but there is also the fact that the world is burning down around us and I don't feel comfortable bringing a child into this situation. Caring for a child that is already here feels different somehow.
I've started looking into alternative ways to become a parent, and well...none of it is good. Fostering/adoption is a long, messy, horribly bureaucratic and prohibitively expensive process where I live, to the point where it's almost impossible if you're not related to/the registered guardian/godparent of the kid(s). Even more so if you are single, unmarried, or in anything other than a cis het monogamous relationship. Foreign adoption would be easier, but I won't do that since there are way to many stories of unethical practices to procure children for adoption and I don't want to be part of that. Surrogacy is illegal where I live, and again, I don't feel good about bringing a child into this world but am more than ok with taking care of those that are already here.
I think I would enjoy being a parent and I love the thought of being a safe adult for kid(s). I love spending time with my niece (8 weeks) and the kids of friends (oldest is 10, but I've known him since he was 3 months), even when they're overwhelmed and throwing a tantrum. Its rewarding to help them settle down, examine what's going on and learn to communicate their needs. It's also wonderful to watch them discover the world and to rediscover some of that wonder myself. I know being a parent is different than being the (honorary) aunt where there's a defined end of responsibility but still, I think I would enjoy it.
With things being as they are, I feel like there is almost no other option than to date single parents/become a stepmom, but that also feels ethically iffy. Then again there are plenty of people who actively avoid dating single parents, so maybe it's not that big of a difference? Obviously I know that being with a parent doesn't automatically mean having a parent-child-relationship with their kid(s), and I would never seek to replace their bio parents, no matter the circumstances. I lost my mom young, so I know how hurtful, annoying and straight up insulting it is to have someone come in trying to replace her, so that would never ever be my goal. I would obviously also be respectful of both parents boundaries and never bad mouth them or anything. Also I wouldn't date someone just for the kid(s), idk if that has to be said but just in case.
So, any thoughts? Would you as a parent be weirded out by this or would it be something you'd welcome in a partner?
(edit spelling/typo)