My wife (35) and MIL (71) put my SIL (33) on a pedestal
I genuinely don’t know if I’m being unreasonable anymore or if I’ve just become resentful after years of this dynamic.
My wife and mother-in-law absolutely idolise my wife’s younger sister. Ever since she had a child, it’s gone into overdrive.
She’s always been a bit of an oddball, quirky, loud, random humour, etc. Which is fine. But the family dynamic has turned it into this sacred personality trait where everyone is expected to find everything she does hilarious, charming, and endearing. And because she grew up with that reinforcement, she leans into it heavily.
The exhausting part is the visits.
When my family comes over, it’s simple:
I cook dinner
We eat
We chat
People go home
My brothers both have kids too (three between them, two around the same age as my sister-in-law’s toddler), but the atmosphere is still relaxed and adult.
When my sister-in-law comes over, it becomes an all-day event. Morning until evening. There’s suddenly an expectation to organise breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks, entertainment, etc. At minimum it’s usually 2 out of 3 meals catered for.
And to her credit, she has done an incredible job avoiding screen time with her 18-month-old. I genuinely respect the discipline there.
But the downside is there’s this expectation of CONSTANT engagement with the child every second they’re here. Not supervision for safety, I completely understand that. I mean active engagement nonstop. You can’t just sit and have a conversation unless someone is actively entertaining the toddler at the same time.
On top of that, she regularly delegates nappy changing duties to me, my wife, or my mother-in-law when she visits. My wife and MIL happily accept it. I sometimes push back because… it’s not my child?
When I brought it up to my wife, she defended it by saying her sister wants to know we can care for him in an emergency.
I honestly don’t even know how to respond to that logic.
At this point I feel like I’m the only person who sees this family dynamic as unhealthy and deeply overindulgent. And worse, I’ve started developing resentment toward everyone involved because I feel constantly guilted into participating in something I never agreed to.
Has anyone dealt with this kind of family dynamic before without becoming the “bad guy”?