Me (21) and my roommate Grace (fake name) (21) have lived with each other for 3 years now. We are college students and were put together as roommates in freshman year (with another roommate from hell but that's another story) and we now live in an off-campus apartment together. We are very different majors and have some similar interests but not a lot, but she is a very sweet person and I think she is a good friend.
However, as a roommate we have run into a lot of issues the more we live together. Everything from cleaning to eating has had small to big arguments in the past, but recently it has kind of come to a head.
For context: I am autistic, Grace is not, and so coming home to de-mask from everyday life is something important to me. For me de-masking means little facial expressions (I've also been told I have a monotone voice) and generally trying to feel like I am back in my own body again. As a junior I am getting busier with school and work and so I have less time to spend alone and that has been tanking my mental health. Grace will often come home and ask if I'm mad at her even if I didn't say anything. Despite me telling her dozens of times that there are fvery few times I have ever been mad at her, frustrated yes, but almost never mad. (I also feel it is important to note that she definitely has self-worth issues and social anxiety that we have talked about and I have highly recommended therapy several times for that she has not gone to) (There are also some other uncomfy situations that have happened that for the sake of length I won't get into but if people want to know I will respond to comments with them)
Basically, I am exhausted, almost everything we do seem to annoy each other and when I learned she was doing study abroad for a few months I was ecstatic.
Now the current situation: She is currently on her abroad trip and I had a long distance friend (28) I have known for a while now and am very close with down for a visit this weekend. We'll call them Molly. Molly LOVED the city we are in and what started as a joke "Omg I should move down here with you haha" ended up with both of us actually considering it and figuring out hypotheticals if it actually would work out.
Currently, still very much in the hypothetical stage, but there is a good 60% possibility they could move down to where I am for my senior year if we roomed together. (We would also most likely move into the same apartment complex I am currently in, just a different apartment). We have almost the exact same interests in fandom and have similar boundaries. We also have similar habits and social batteries (with Molly also being autistic) and since we know it would only be for a year it seems like it would be a great way to get to spend more time together and also for me to be MUCH less stressed. However, I wouldn't want to upset Grace. Best case-scenario would be the three of us all get an apartment together and I don't have to worry about anything, but given our hell-roommate situation from freshman year and her social anxiety I am fairly confident she'll say no when I ask. If it comes down to it, I would want to live with Molly more than Grace for the reasons listed above and more, but I like Grace as a friend and wouldn't want to hurt her. At the same time, I know I shouldn't necessarily base my life decisions solely on how other people feel. (Money is not an issue btw, Grace is very well-off, and Molly has a stable remote job that would not be affected by the move). I would still stay in contact with Grace and be friends (I am the Game Master for our TTRPG group anyways), but a part of me feels really bad for feeling like I don't want to room with her again.
So Reddit, if everything works out of Molly's end, WIBTAH if I moved in with them and moved out of my current situation with Grace?