What is wrong with me?
My wife and I have been separated since the start of the year. We had been married for just under two years when this took place. We’ve both tossed around the D word, and while I can’t speak for her, I know that I definitely do NOT want that to be the outcome despite what friends and others say needs to happen.
I just have a hard time understanding “why”. I’ve been working hard on myself since we have been apart, and although she has pulled away, hope still remains in my heart. I don’t know why we shouldn’t be able to work on our marriage and come back together stronger than we ever were. Everything was easy with her; we never argued, never had fights. We could talk through anything and come to a level headed conclusion. She’s the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and a situation like this seems unfathomable to me still. She’s “my person” and I just can’t help but feel like her and I are meant to be. I know that I would do anything to make things right between us, and I just wish that she felt the same way.
Some back story: everything seemed fine until this time last year. We had just bought a house, and I then lost my job. Thankfully it was only three weeks before I found a new one, but the stress levels were still pegged. Prior to this, I had been so stressed and burnt out at work that it had rolled over into my home life. Severe weight gain, a substance relapse that I didn’t hide from her, and unfortunately adopting a shitty outlook and attitude. I wasn’t aware that my mental health had degraded so much. Throughout all of this, I know that there are some stupid things that I said and did, but I know in my heart that I still cared for her and tried to love her as much as a broken man possibly could.
Late September 2025, she told me that she was unhappy. It seemed so out of left field to me, although looking back it makes perfect sense. She cited things like my drug use, and my weight gain. She told me that I would never change. I really tried making her feel seen, and understood. I tried to make it a point to get better at the things she said I was lacking in. I told her than I wanted to spend more meaningful time with her, and get us back to regular dates, and trying to just enjoy “us”. This all started to intersect with her becoming very emotionally attached to another man. As the year went on, the closer they got, and the more she was out with friends than wanting to spend time at home. (It didn’t help that she had a really hellish work commute to deal with daily, so I absolutely feel for her in that regard). The fact of the matter is, the more I tried to make things right, the harder she pulled away.
I blame myself. I understand that there are outside factors at play here, but ultimately, I blame myself. If this really is the end, it’s a guilt that I will have to live with for the rest of my life. It makes me really sad just thinking about her and I being apart, since she really is the person who I thought I would spend forever with. Not experiencing that forever with her terrifies me. But at the end of the day, I know that I have to be accepting of her wishes, whatever that may end up being.
My friends tell me that I’m being to soft. That I’m being pathetic in the way I’m acting. People tell me that I should hate her, that I shouldn’t talk to her, or associate with her at all. Through all of this, I cannot shake the fact that my heart tells me that she’s the one. It’s a really tough thing to live with day in and day out, the feeling that the person you love the most doesn’t feel the same way about you.
And yet, I still love her to death.