Need Advice - Partner Emotionally Unfaithful
My partner and I have been married for almost 5 years. It was an arranged marriage, however, we were talking to each other for almost a year ( we met via matrimonial site) before finally getting married, in that we developed a relationship too. We live in a different city than either of our parents, hence have a lot of privacy. Both working individuals and successful in our professional journey so far. No kids. However, we ran into issues pretty soon post marriage. Felt disconnected, didnt have time for each other. For the longest amount of time, i kept feeling like a furniture in the house. My husband would be in my thoughts all the time.. whereas I would be his last priority for anything and everything. 6 months ago, he went to the US on a work trip along with his coworkers - and got too close to his female co worker (lets name her A). When he came back, we discussed that we needed to work on our relationship and see if it is actually salvageable.
My husband became very comfortable with A, texting her till 2 3 am in the night, while i would be waiting for him in our room.. on her birthday eve, he spent the entire night with her at some park, I kept calling him but he wouldnt pick up.. and then later he blamed me that I called him around 30 times without any reason. That girl had also written a letter to him on his birthday on how important he was to her. He had made a card for her for her birthday. All of this was hidden from me. I was able to read all the messages before he deleted them, while he was vulnerable with her, i didnt find anything romantic. In the US, they would spend time with each other every night post work - my husband says it was all of them and not just 2.
All of this, constant lying and deleting msgs and me finding things out instead of him telling me, has really shattered me. I feel heartbroken, I am on depression meds, anxiety meds and recently got diagnosed with trigeminal nerve disorder too. He continued to maintain his friendship with her despite knowing all of this. We have been to couples therapy, the therapist has clearly called out that this is emotional infidelity and he needs to stop if he really wants to continue.
We have discussed divorce many times, but he doesnt want to get divorced. He wants to work on the relationship. In all honesty, I do too, but my trust is absolutely shattered. Life looks so bleak right now. I dont even know what happy means anymore. He says he had drawn strong boundaries around A and he doesnt connect with her beyond work. But i have seen him delete messages multiple times. To the point where instead of upset, I am just annoyed that why wouldnt he try atleast to hide this better, does he think I am that dumb!
I dont know what to do.. he gets very emotional, might also be trying, but i am unable to move on from what has happened. I am sure there are 100 things wrong with me which led him to this step, but he is not able to articulate that too. He doesnt speak up in therapy. The therapist paused the sessions because there was no point anymore.
Also A is married too.
Request genuine advice on how to deal with this please 🙏🏽