Almost there
I will try to keep this short, we have been separated since December 3, 2025 living in the same house. It was really horrible, he was super spiteful and doing stuff on purpose to mess with me, and then I guess he realized that I was for real. I Did the whole gray rocking thing, highly recommend doing this. So grateful for the advice on here! I never realized how inhumane a malignant narcissist can be. We are so close to moving out, I just wanna encourage anybody who’s in the same situation. My faith in God and the love for my daughter has been the only thing that helped me get through! It has been very frustrating financially to try and get out. My husband was financially abusive along with everything else. So a lot of of my plans were dead ends financially. Thankfully, I have a wonderful, loving family that has agreed to help me. My sister gave me a car. My other brothers and sisters have given me a little bit of cash and trying to get an apartment has been brutal, seeing as I don’t have Landlord references or a lot of money saved up and I have crazy credit card debt! And we also have a joint car loan, which I’m sure he’s not going to pay after I leave. I’ve been the one paying for it. Thankfully, my credit is still OK. I am very much looking forward to being free from the chaos and the negativity. I always thought it was me throughout the years. That I needed too much. I also drank for a lot of of the years that we were together so that kept me feeling guilty like I was less than. Even though he smoked his brains out lol. And was ridiculously financially irresponsible. So I was constantly trying to dig us out of a hole, the mortgage is behind. The lights are behind. The cable is behind the cell phone Bill is behind. That’s normal to him though. We are coming up on our 32nd wedding anniversary. And I am grateful to say that it will be our last. For those of you who are going through something similar, I highly recommend talking to God! He’s the only one that truly knows and understands what you’re going through, and he can help to guide you. He sure has for me it’s so funny because I gave up drinking a little over three years ago. And that was the start of this painful journey. I feel like God slowly peeled the layers of film that I had over my eyes. Started exposing him for what he actually is. And I still wasn’t willing to accept it, I fought tooth and nail to save this marriage until he did the unthinkable, and he purchased a breed of dog that had attacked me in the past not just one but two very huge large breed dogs. $7000 worth, and I believe that he stole the money from his mother. It couldn’t get any more real than that for me. The PTSD and the emotional trauma has been crazy, but I’ll tell you what, feeling God‘s presence through all of this has been absolutely amazing! It’s like somehow I’m riding on a cloud and watching all of this unfold and knowing that in the end, my daughter and I find peace. I feel so bad for my daughter, though, because he has basically discarded us. Which is good overall, but I know that it hurts her to know that her father doesn’t care. I just pour into her, and tell her how absolutely wonderful she is and that she has a heavenly father that loves her more than any human could. And that she can always lean on him, and I will always be there for her. And thankfully, my family has been a huge part of her life too, my mom has always had a special spot for her. There’s always something to be thankful for. And it’s funny because sometimes the most painful things in your life become the most beautiful experiences. You figure childbirth is such an awful painful experience physically, but once you are done, you have the most amazing gift! I’m looking at it the same way. I didn’t go into all the details, this would be an incredibly long post. But I wanted to encourage anybody who is thinking that something is not right, if you’re thinking, that way, don’t doubt yourself. Something that helped me so much to detach myself because was realizing that I wasn’t hurting him at all, in the beginning I felt guilty, it’s hard to understand that a narcissist doesn’t think or feel like we do. Realizing That I meant absolutely nothing to him even after 30 some years was hard, but absolutely freeing! Please educate yourself about how narcissists view people. I realize there are different levels and mine was over the top! But do some research so that you can understand what you are dealing with. God bless you all!