MIL being nice or playing games?
I have been married to my husband (30M) less than 2 years. Previously we had a lot of problems with his mother. Prior to us moving in together, he was living with her and she made it very difficult to even see each other and tried to dictate our dynamic. She is really overbearing and controlling and has an enmeshment with her side of the family but hates her husband side of the family. All birthdays of her family members are celebrated all together ( i.e her 2 sisters and their 4 kids, her parents and my husband plus his sister) I have only interacted with the mother’s side of the family and only met my FIL sister once. She made sure to send her kids to her mother’s every weekend but didn’t even want them talking to the other grandparents. Then she tried to also do the same to my family and sideline them.
She told my husband to stay away from my family and that MENS family hold more priority and importance. My husband said it doesn’t work that way, you will have to make a connection with my wife if you want access to your grandkids. She said then that’s your fault then. You have to be a man and call the shots (guess her husband wasn’t a man). She continued to try to poison his head, telling him that he should not forget the rest of his family ( his grandma, aunts, cousins). She also said multiple times that I’m cunning, manipulative, and I’ll leave him eventually. She made no effort to talk to me or build any relationship while her son was living there. She has even called my mother multiple times insulting her that we are turning her son against her.
After everything I told my husband that I don’t want your mom to try to build a relationship with me once we are gone. She will lose her chance one your out the door cause that’s just convenience. I don’t even want her to come to my house as I was never welcomed in your family. At that point she didn’t think her son was capable of moving out and living on his own without help from her cause he didn’t have money saved up. She never offered to help us and even told my mom that where is he going to go on his own without help. I think she thought he was just going to be there and I’ll move in with them. I will just be an addition to their family enmeshment dynamic.
Eventually we moved out of state to her shock. She was crying hysterically and calling me names the day he was leaving the house. Then as soon as we came to our place, the next day she asks about me asks to speak to me. She called her son EVERY SINGLE DAY, and then asked to talk to me everyday where she would give me backhanded taunts. She never tried to build a relationship with me for over a year and now suddenly wanted to speak to me every day. Eventually I told my husband I don’t want speak to her anymore, give excuses that I’m studying/working/out. He also only started talking to her every other day even though she tries to call everyday.
So my MIL and FIL announced that they will me making a stop in our state on the way to drop their daughter back to college since it will be halfway for them and they can rest for a day. During this time my MIL made it a point to keep calling our home my husbands house. But then she was trying to be really sweet, give hugs etc. She kept saying we are family, you are my daughter now. My daughter and you are equal there no difference to me. If I buy something for her then I buy something for you because you are both the same to me. She also told me that I don’t need to worry about money and that they will also support me for my studies financially. She said since my daughter is going to graduate this year then when you start your grad school i can focus on you. I can come to your guys house and stay during finals weeks and help out like I do for my daughter. I’m always here when you have baby you don’t need to worry. You work and we will take care of your children. We are family now. But I also have my mom just like her daughter has her mom. I would feel more comfortable that my mom would come for finals week if I needed help. I’d be more stressed if it’s my MIL. But she also made a weird comment a month ago on the phone where she asked if I wanted anything when she comes and I told her no nothing my mom asked me also but I don’t need anything. She’s laughed and said now it’s not their right/responsibility anymore and that it’s basically theirs. I told her Ofcourse I have a right to my parents also.
Before leaving she was hysterically crying and told me please don’t be mad at me. If you ever get mad be communicative. Please call me every single day just for 2 minutes and she was HYSTERICALLY CRYING .
I really don’t understand her game. Is she trying to me nice now genuinely or is she playing some chess moves with me that I’m not seeing? What do you guys think?