Toxic Ex to The Max
I got a better name for the title: I got clammed (lol), is it my fault?
Trigger warning for SA!
I’m a 19 year old female with one hell of an awful ex. Let’s call him Rick. So I met Rick during Christmas break when I was home from college. Ricks 23, doesn’t have a car or a license, doesn’t have a job or even a GED. All of which I didn’t really know before meeting up with him. But once I learned it all I just thought, hey, everyone deserves to be loved. Anyways back to Christmas break. Rick was hella tryin to hangout. Lowkey being pushy about it. It was giving pick me but for whatever reason I still decided to go out with him. He told me before coming to his place that we would just chill, nothing crazy. I was under the impression we weren’t even going to kiss or anything, just chat it up. Well long story short we did the deed and he took my virginity. He didn’t realize I was a virgin till after the fact. I didn’t think that was something that mattered or that I needed to tell him. Afterwords he held my bra hostage. He said that he wants to keep it so I have to come back again. He kept calling me babe and baby, which I thought was weird too. But again I still kept seeing him. People say that you get attached to the person who stole your virginity so maybe that’s what drew me in. Anyways we hung out a few more times before I went back to college. Then he lowkey ghosted me for a few days which had me concerned. Meanwhile I had some guy wanting to meet up with me so he could go down on me. Part of me was tempted to, to see if maybe I was just into Rick because of his dick. But I never did. Rick eventually responded back to me. He was explaining that me being a virgin threw him off and I guess he was having this moral dilemma. He wasn't looking for a relationship but felt guilty for taking my virginity to then end up and leaving me. So we worked through that and started dating.
I’m on a sports team at my college so I’m constantly with other people. Due to this I soon learned that Rick is rather controlling and possessive. He accused me of cheating and would get upset whenever I was hanging out with my friends on the team. I had to show him proof that it was just girls or what not. I actually had an accident and needed to go to the ER and lied to him that a girl drove me because he would have been so upset if it was a guy. You could argue I shouldn’t have lied but by that time I was so burnt out from constantly explaining myself. I felt like he would be more concerned about the guy than my wellbeing. I know he had an abusive relations ship previously and got cheated on. So I just told myself that he’s got trauma and eventually he’ll realize that I’m one of the good ones. But it felt like no matter how I reassured him, he’d always think I was a cheater.
In February I decide to go on birth control because he refused to use a condom and he was so paranoid about getting me pregnant. I bought plan B a lot because he just couldn’t help himself. Gross I know. While I was at the doctor’s office, getting on birth control, they had me do an STD screening. Turns out I had chlamydia. I was rightfully upset by this but Rick couldn’t understand why. Since it’s one of the less, if you will, harmful of the STDs it didn’t matter to him. He then told me his body count was like 56, idk if that’s accurate but that’s what he said. He also lied to me about how long it had been since he had sex before he got with me. He had a girl over the day before me, but I was originally told it was several months before me. Anyways, so we both get on medication which so we should be all good right? Wrong. You’re not supposed to be sexually active while taking the medication and a few days after, so about 10 in total I think. I was actually inside my college building arguing about this with him. I had to call him to let him know we can’t have sex that weekend because of this (My college isn’t far so I visited every weekend). He didn’t believe me and complained that he doesn’t get any sex during the week and, without actually saying it, said he deserves sex on the weekend. I rationalized it in my head and was like, okay maybe it’ll be fine, maybe it won’t be that big of a deal. So I let him get a piece on the weekend.
Fast forward to March I come to find out it wasn’t fine, and I did indeed get infected. It’s spring break and I’m going on a trip and taking stupid chlamydia medication again. This time my doctor said that he had to go to his own doctor to get himself medication. I ended up asking Rick to get a full STD screening too. He felt insulted by this btw. So before I leave for my trip I find out that he has been lying to me regarding the medication and screening. He had been at least a week and he still hadn’t heard anything back about the results. He said that the doctors ended up refunding him for it because they didn’t get the results back to him. He fr thought I would buy that. So yeah he didn’t ever go to the doctors. And apparently he was taking some random meds his dad got from a surgery in some foreign country. So stupid. What’s even stupider I believed him when he said the meds would work the same! I tried breaking things off with him a week after my trip, still in March.
That only lasted a few days though. We ended up going to a concert together just as friends and left the concert back together. Shit carries on and I begin to realize whenever I’d hear my phone ring my heart would sink to my ass, as I was dreading it to be him. I also noticed he followed a lot of goth girls who posted rather provocative things, and he had recent photos liked. That’s something that bothered me as I look nothing like these girls. I brought this out to him. His excuse was that it would just show up on his feed and he’d mindlessly like them. However he was very upset that I followed gym bros and guys from high school. I just chose to believe that he was actually mindless doing it. He also refused to post me on socials. Idk why, I posted him all the time. I think his excuse was that he wanted to date longer before posting me. He was worried that after posting me we would break up too.
In late April we “took a break”, we weren’t allowed to talk to anyone else or get with anyone else. He was very insistent on those rules. At one point my sister told me that she saw him on tinder. I assumed she just saw his account because he just didn’t delete it, not that he was actually active on it. During the break he wouldn’t stop blowing up my phone. We never had a proper break because I was constantly reassuring him and responding to him. We get back together and he tells me that there was a girl I knew in high-school that hit him up on instagram, let’s call her Meghan. I found that strange because Meghan should know that him and I are together.
At some point during our relationship he SA’d me. I was coerced. There were several times before that, that he’d get mad at me for pretexting him that I wasn’t wanting to do it, but then we’d end up doing it. Anyways, after that incident I started to not desire sex at all. So come May we hadn’t done anything for at least a month. He felt like a “monster” after he SA’d me so I think that’s why he didn’t push for me to have sex with him again.
Now that schools done with I moved back home a few weeks again. I was able to see Rick more often as I only ever saw him on the weekends. I hated that. So guess what. I just broke up with him officially last week. I THEN ran into the Meghan a couple days ago. Turns out he lied about her hitting him up. She had actually matched with him on tinder during our so called break. I have suspicions he cheated on me with her. I actually feel like he cheated on me several times but I can’t confirm that. It’s just a hunch. Also as you might have assumed I did find out I got re-fucking-infected. So three times having it now. Oh and I had to threaten a restraining order on him because he kept getting fake numbers to talk to me. Except he told Meghan that I was the one obsessed with him after he took my virginity. That he only got together with me because he felt bad for me. Fuck. Rick.
So, is it my fault I got clammed?