Been together 13 years but I'm a different person now [27f][28m]
My identity has changed since we first got together. I was 14 and there was no way I had myself figured out. But we've been together so long and we're so comfortable it feels wrong to split. We've obviously committed a lot of time to each other and grew a life together. I've come to realize I've never been monogamous and while my bf knows that it's not something he's willing to change and I don't blame him. But the other problem is I've always known I was "bisexual" but I've been a deeply closeted lesbian this whole time. I know the right answer is to end it and be honest but I have no idea how to begin to execute that. He finally got a good job and we're in college. It'll be years before I feel like I want to actually end it since our housing hinges on us going to school. (Agreement with my grandparents) But my feelings HURT. I get "crushes" on close friends ALL. THE. TIME. I wanna be flirty and not censor myself but I'm in a perpetual state of deeply loving the people I know intimately, then having to get over those feelings. It's quite exhausting and it's hard because I don't have anyone to talk to about it. I feel like I'm being dishonest with my bf but he's so insecure he wouldn't want me around ANYONE if he knew how many crushes I have. I smoke a lot of weed for example and don't dream much, but I've had sex dreams about all of my friends and not my bf. I don't do or say anything to these people out of respect for my bf and our relationship. But I have physical emotions I can't control. Idk maybe this was better for r/offmychest