u/Anxious_Strength6546

Had a seemingly unproductive EMDR session on Monday, and then Thursday night I was reminded of an album I listened to in high school and suddenly, entire years of my life crashed on me like a tsunami. For most of my adult life, my memories of high school have been a sort of amorphous blur of depression and anxiety, but suddenly I was able to remember biographical details I hadn't thought about in years, and to my surprise, there were a lot of positive memories in there among the darkness.

The mind is so strange. I've had similar bursts of insight, but this is by far the most dramatic breakthrough I had since starting EMDR. I realized how weird and messed up some of my relationships with teachers were, and also remembered how good some of my friends had been to me. I even reached out to someone I haven't contacted in 9 years!

I definitely have a lot to sort through and I'm sure some more difficult memories will surface, but overall the experience was positive and humbling. Wanted to share because it can be easy to lose trust in the work the subconscious is doing behind the scenes, until it hits you in the face.

it's strange, on Monday I had an EMDR session that felt like a lot of nothing. I started with a childhood memory and drifted through memories with similar themes until the session ended, without any major insights or big emotional releases.

Later that night, when I was out walking, I felt so calm and free. It was a strange feeling, I almost didn't realize the difference, but I had a moment where I realized I could choose to be happy. And the day after, I found myself coming up with song lyrics as I worked--and I've been pretty blocked on all my creative projects for the last year or so, so it came as a very welcome surprise.

It makes me hopeful that something in me is actually changing, even though I feel the weariness of hangover descending, and some of the old rumination starting to creep back in.

It seems like too much to hope that the light feeling will stick around, but wow, wouldn't it be nice if I get to the other side of this and feel like my mind actually belongs to me for a change?

Hi all. In therapy lately, I've been exploring the cognition that "if I get close to people, they will realize I'm a bad person" with my therapist, and we've decided to work on reprocessing some relevant early memories. The memories I want to work with are moments from my childhood where I lashed out in response to bullies, or punched down when I felt threatened.

I can look back at these events and say, well, hurt people hurt people and I'm not really like that anymore, but I can't deny there were some occasions where I really had meanness and anger in my heart.

I still struggle with self esteem and feeling good enough to deserve love and care, so I am concerned that reprocessing these kinds of things might really mess me up for a few days. Sometimes EMDR reprocessing sends me into deep spirals of self loathing, so I am feeling extra cautious about approaching this kind of material.

Do any of you have experience working through memories where you treated others badly?