I never had a childhood
TW:>!​!< >!!<mention of suicide>!!<>!​!<
25F, Vietnamese, and I'm realizing I never had a childhood.
There was definitely favoritism with my older brother. He was more sociable, but didn't perform well in school. In contrast, I'm introverted and academically inclined. When he left for college, my family and I had a side hustle to fund his schooling. As a kid, starting at 10, I hated late nights to help my parents, at one point staying up until 6 am to finish orders, but I also recognized we needed to support my brother. The college he attended was private, so it was extremely expensive.
However, this led me to prioritize staying home, helping my parents every weekend night, prepping orders for the weekend, and spending the rest of my free time catching up on schoolwork and sleeping. Nobody understood why I would never hang out with them or join any clubs. A lot of friendships faded because I couldn't maintain them, which negatively affected my education. Helping my parents was my main priority.
Whenever my parents talk about their side hustle and how it helped my brother in college, they never credit me and instead praise how my brother helped while in college. Sometimes my brother comes home to help with orders, but we let him rest and study, so I end up staying up late. This not only destroyed my sleep schedule (I was still sleeping at 3 am out of habit) but also left me feeling sidelined and neglected. They had even brushed off my confession that I wanted to attempt it and told me it was in my head.
Even now, I'm not acknowledged for doing so much for the family, such as taking care of my grandma when she was sick, and nobody but me, a freshly out of high school graduate, spent a whole summer with her. Many families can't afford to leave their jobs to care for their elderly parents, but somehow they can push all of their responsibilities onto a minor. Now in my mid-20s, my extended family does not take care of my grandparents enough unless they are paid.
I love and respect my parents. They have their best interests at heart. Sometimes, I feel they love my brother more because he has a job, a fiancée, and a house, while I'm unemployed, have no love life, and am a recent college graduate who was long overdue because of Covid. Instead of pity, I'm often asked why I was taking so long for a four-year degree, even though I was good in school in the past. My brother does appreciate that I helped him a lot during college and gave me the same support when I needed it. I wished my parents could say out loud that I was just as important when we were doing orders.