Been a long time. And I'm dealing with heath anxiety
After three years of being free from hell, finally growing and moving on. I'm now in my bed at 2:19 am just feeling numb bitter and angry because I fell back into an ocd episode.
I've been medicated for 3 years and genuinely was so happy. I even deleted Reddit cuz I didn't think I'd need it after not having to look for help or have people listen. But now because Im feeling huge anxiety over a heath issue I'm back here. After running with my family I felt a cramp in my stomach it felt like that of a pierod cramp but I need to go. So I did. There was nothing odd about my bowel movement other than it was just difficult to pass. Not extremely bad but enough to have to push. Once I was done I got myself cleaned and head back to the living room with My family and nothing was wrong. I felt no pain no odd issues. Just normal. But when I went to the shower, and started to sneeze 8 felt something weird like a strain feeling around my anus .. my mind went to the worst, thinking I may have a prolapse rectum.. . But at first I calmed myself and told myself it's just probably because you're constipated. Got out of made tea to help my stomach. But soon after an hour I needed to go again and I got anxious. And when I went I felt this weird feeling.. when going.. not really pain but just like.. off. I was terrified I was going to make myself prolapse so I wasn't trying to push (I didn't need to it was a normal movement) but I just started crying cuz I thought because of that weird feeling I was definitely having a prolapse rectum.. . It just sent me into a spiral looking up stuff.. I saw that it caused by chronic constipation, (don't have that but i do need to drink more water) pregnancy (never been pregnant or had sex) or old age (I'm 21) and another being weak pelvic floor, the only thing I noticed was that when I sneeze hard or laugh really hard I pee alittle and that doesn't happen offton and I have really bad allergies so I end up sneezing like a lot. Also want to mention that I used to have tics that would make me forcefully squeeze and flex my pelvic floor (due to groin responses) but this was back in 2020 and I don't do those anymore. They also said it's rare to have a prolapse rectum.. . But I don't know if I'm terrified.. I'm so upset because I've been doing just fine and every time I'm trying to better myself something like this happens. I don't want the possibility of that happening.. and I don't know if it's my anxiety or I should go to the doctor. I didn't see any blood or anything feeling weird on the outside factor. Just weird feelings and sensations that I wasn't feeling before all of this. I don't know. I'm just upset and scared right now and don't know if this my anxiety..