How much baby-free time may I have?
We have a 9.5 month old baby and I feel that I would need baby-free time on a regular basis both to get things done and to restore/ preserve my sanity. How much time could I ask from my husband?
What I suggested: 30 minutes in the morning (Mo-Fr) & 1.5 hours in the evening (Mo-Thu; Fri is his night out); weekend: 1x 3 hours in the morning & 1x 2 hours in the evening.
I want this as a fixed schedule, so that I don't constantly reach my breaking point and so that I don't have to ask my husband constantly if it's ok if I do quickly XYZ.
Is this too much to ask? How much can I ask?
What I need the time for: shower more regularly, shave legs, trim my nails, do yoga, go jogging or for a walk around the block (alone!), get ready for the night/ the day, finish things off from the day (e.g. put away laundry..), call a friend or family member, deep clean a tiny part of the house, journal, note down memories and milestones from the baby, plan my week/ day, look up doctors and baby events, sort baby stuff, plan baby's solids, answer emails and messages, catch up on my own and our shared paperwork (taxes, insurances...), send out job applications, go for a round of shopping, meet a friend, cook something for us, eat in peace, do a puzzle, read a bit, stare at a tree, lol 🫣
In general: reset my nervous system (I EBF & co-sleep) and start catching up in any life area which is not baby-survival related
My husband has a great bond with the baby and, in addition to working full-time, is also CONSTANTLY doing useful stuff (all the dishes, a lot of cleaning, some areas of organizing our lives...). However, he always wants that "the three of us" spend time instead if being with the baby alone, and he has enough baby-free time to meet his friends regularly, go to his Dr. appointments, catch up on all his tasks (then offering to take care of mine, while I'm still with the baby) and watch the occasional movie/ TV series - so there must be an imbalance somewhere..?
Our schedule:
- We all wake up when the baby wakes up, which is one hour before my husband leaves to work, some days up to two hours, but then we are all more tired.
- I take care of the baby alone while husband is at work. In addition to taking care of the baby, cleaning up our daily mess and running errands, I only manage to complete ~one other "big" task during the day.
- Baby does two naps (1.5 hours + 30 minutes). The first nap, I nap with him to survive the day. During the second nap, we are often on our commute back home, or, if we are home, I use the time for dinner, laundry, and cleaning up after the day.
- Baby is awake for ~ 3.5 hours between husband returning from work and going to sleep.
- I put the baby to bed. Then I stay awake for 1/2 hours, typically stress-eating, lol, before also going to bed. I EBF (+ solids) & co-sleep. I'm doing all the nights alone, unless baby is sick or particularly suffering from teething. Baby NEVER sleeps longer than 2 hours. So it's at least 6 wake-ups every night, sometimes double. I feed him back to sleep, but in some phases during the night, he won't even sleep next to me and I need to hold him. So to get a minimum of sleep, I do need the full night in bed, as his best sleeping stretches are at the beginning and the end of the night. Husband goes to bed 2 hours after us and sleeps in a different room, so gets a full night of uninterrupted sleep ~6 of 7 nights.
I know that an option would be to improve/change baby's sleep - but for any reasons, I won't tackle this at the moment and just hope for better times 🙃 Getting external help (sb playing with the baby while I do chores/ PC tasks, etc) could be an option as well.