u/Any-Draft2346

Problem/Goal: Title [Long Post]

Context: Hello, my mother is the type to do everything and I mean EVERYTHING for me. Growing up, she’d do everything rather than me doing it myself. Paghihimay ng pagkain? siya nalang daw. Kapag lilinis ng room? siya nalang daw rin. ‘Yung pinapahanap niya sa’kin? bagal ko raw kaya diya nalang. Pagbayad ng food? siya na bahala. She thinks for me and do things for me. Ginagawa na pa rin ‘yung mga ‘to kahit magiging 20 na’ko. PUSHING 20 GUYS. She wants me to depend on her always and it frustrates me so much. It affects how I function as a being and how I think, because in the back of my mind, I would think that my mom would handle it, because she usually does.

There are moments when I’d go out with my friends without knowing the basic routines in life kasi sa mga mata niya, parang baby pa ako. I get it, i really do. She’s doing it out of love, care, and security. It’s to keep me safe. But i feel like it gets to a point where she thinks I need her for all my life. Well, yes, there are times, but not always. And i don’t understand why she can’t see that.

Now that I’m growing up, I’m going through changes, and especially becoming (at least trying to) more autonomous. Grateful for college because I’m learning to finally be more independent without any help. Now the thing is, I like saying my piece when she would talk to me, when she’d ‘sermon’ me. But she would always comment, “don’t talk back at me. Just be obedient and say ‘okay.’” It’s so frustrating because it’s as if she does not see me as an equal. Albeit, there are times naman when I do go overboard, but most of the time I would simply like to have a healthy argument, which she turns into a fight. I hate it.

One big thing is I would say I have undiagnosed depression, I think terrible thoughts, and have explained to her numerous times that I want to end it all. I suppose it stemmed when she would berate me when I was a kid, saying I’m “too slow,” or even comparing me to my father (we both don’t like him). Because of these comments, I’ve ingrained them in my head and can’t help but try to defend myself when she’d say these things. Pero ayun nga, I just need to be quiet and listen. I’ve let these thoights fester and it affected to me thinking that I’m not really as good as I think. Fast forward to me talking about it and how her words would affect me , then she’d say “Ano, bakit parang kasalanan ko ‘to?” And I would look at her in distraught.

Even now, when she would get mad at me for having a messy room sometimes (to which I clean as often as I can). It just seems like she does not understand depression. I’ve talked about getting psychiatric help and therapy, then she’d say to me, “Mga social media ngayon, ginagawa kayong ganyan na. Anak, mas mahirap pa ‘yung mga nadaanan namin ngayon, hindi naman ganyan kami. Inuubis lang nila pero mo…” something along those lines. And holy, it frustrates me to my core.

I see so many of my friends, even younger than me, commuting and learning how to travel to places themselves. I would also show this to her, but she says “sila ‘yun.” Or something like that. I get frustrated because I don’t even know how to use the bus or train. She keeps me in this box, and when it’s gonna be time to be set free in the real world, she’d get confused to why I don’t know how to fend for myself. Though, thankfully, she’s letting me use the Angkas now since I got into college.

Which is why I want to study and work hard, then move away. I understand that she loves me and she has her own way of showing her love, but when I try to communicate that there are times she would hurt me and would ask her to change, she would never do so. So, i want to move out or away. I also talked about this with her, but she would say, “Hindi, dapat kasama ako.” Then jokingly one time I asked her, “Bakit parang ginagawa niyo’kong retirement fund?” and then she said it’s because I am.

I don’t know what to do. I want to move out of this house because all this house does to me is showing me learned helplessness disguised as ‘safety.’ I know I’m not in the most terrible situation, but I just feel like I need to move elsewhere to really grow and development my self-independence.

I seriously feel lost and need someone to give me clarity… Should I just earn money and live by myself? Do I work hard and live in with her? Do i just continue this life? I feel so confused.

Previous Attempts: mentioned already, but to summarize… (1) I try explaining to her that I want autonomy but she just won’t listen, (2) Showed her that my friends has more autonomy than me, let’s me use Angkas and Grab, but never public transpo…

things like that.

Hi, an incoming second year as a scholar freshie. I opt to shift to my dream course sana, compsci, kaso, I think life has other plans. I believe I have undiagnosed ADHD, and it’s been affecting how I study. Excel in homework / tasks, bobo naman sa assessments. Big factor rin na makakalimutin ako, esp when in pressure.

Anyways, I’m failing my math courses, and I don’t think they can be saved. I’m trying to cope by planning to get an IT elective nalang sa 4th year sa current course ko haha.

I know ADHD alone is not the sole reason kung bakit ganito ako, but damn it, it’s a big factor. I’ve tried many methods, such as task simplifying, studying earlier, uni consultations, scheduling, journaling, pero wala talaga e. ATP just trying to get by nalang and survive, and during break, magpapa-diagnose na’ko. But ayun, the deed has been done, and I don’t think I can redeem it.

Feel free to give advice, maybe relatable stories. I don’t mind.

Any students here that have unmedicated ADHD? How do you cope/handle it?

I suspect I have this. I’m a scholar freshie in my uni. It’s been so hard, especially with my executive dysfunction fucking up my grades. I keep telling myself “I’ll get better,” “I just need another chance,” this and that, but whenever I’m faced with an opportunity, i keep blowing it.

Will seek m3d!cal h3lp by the end of this sem, I just need to stay sane and push through until this all ends haha. ATP i’d be grateful if I don’t get any Fs in my courses, I just need to survive this sem.

I’m so confused and doubtful if any of this will ever get better. I always try new methods (i.e, time blocking, cardio, college consultations, chopping up tasks, etc.) but in the end, I always fail. I might lose my scholarship, and I might dropout. I get so depressed thinking about it.

Any tips or advice to handle ADHD?