What's wrong with me! help!
I’m a 25-year-old woman trying to rebuild my life after a difficult upbringing and some unhealthy relationship dynamics, and I genuinely want honest perspectives from men (and women honestly).
On paper I think I have a lot going for me. I model professionally, had a corporate marketing career, lived in NYC, spent time in Paris, am well traveled, and I’m now finishing school/working pursuing social work. I’d consider myself caring, loyal, emotionally aware, nurturing, ambitious, and independent. I’m not perfect, but I genuinely try hard to be a good person and partner.
But my dating experiences have honestly left me confused and discouraged. I tend to attract either:
- wealthy/emotionally unavailable men
- entitled men
- men who idealize me physically but don’t seem capable of real emotional intimacy
- or relationships where something just feels “off” even if I can’t explain it immediately
I also come from a pretty unhealthy family background, and I’m starting to wonder how much that affects who I choose, what feels familiar to me, and what I tolerate.
I really think sometimes maybe something is wrong with me lmao. I’ve struggled with anxiety/depression at different points in my life I've been through a lot of trauma which I'm working on, but tend to isolate to feel safer. But overall I’ve always tried to just “go with the flow,” focus on my goals, and hope I’d naturally meet good people. I never wanted to become obsessive or transactional about dating.
But I also don’t want to wake up one day feeling like I could’ve done more to intentionally build community, put myself out there, or create the kind of life where healthy relationships are more likely.
I don’t want to become bitter or become one of those people who thinks “all men are bad,” because I know emotionally healthy and caring men exist. I just genuinely feel like I don’t know how to find them, recognize them, attract them, or build community around healthier people.
For emotionally healthy men in good relationships:
- What actually makes a woman a good long-term partner in real life?
- Where do emotionally mature people even meet now?
- What are green flags you look for?
- What are signs someone comes from unresolved trauma even if they seem “high functioning”?
- And for people who came from difficult families, what helped you stop repeating unhealthy dynamics?
I think I’m struggling with the difference between chemistry/intensity and actual emotional safety.
Would genuinely appreciate thoughtful advice <3