A therapists’ old advice turned out to be painfully accurate.
“If you don’t absolutely love the person (Q) exactly as they are right now while they’re drinking, then all of the same problems will reappear if they are ever sober.” I thought I knew better. In my spouse’s case, they got sober and have supposedly (I have my doubts) been sober for 8 months. Well, after over seven years married and nine together total, they suddenly decided they have actually been miserable this whole time because of me. We are separated now. I am half angry/sad, half relieved as hell. Angry/sad because I knew better and now wasted nine years of my life - as well as introduced custody battles with a person who, until now, has been the nicest, kindest person on Earth. I absolutely have suspicions of an emotional affair taking place at her job with her boss, and, furious though I may feel when I think about it, I have reached a point where I don’t even truly care beyond the legal utility of something like that if it happens. I am yearning to be free and the end is in sight. But god damn, I should have listened to my therapist many years ago.