u/Any6969

Hey, hope someone can help me about this. My friend, who I will call D, and I met 4 years ago (Oct. 2022). Initially I tried to let him know I was attracted to him, we were hanging with other friends of ours and I kinda of throwed the information to him and thought he ignored me, so I left the topic. Soon after, he started dating this guy, who at the time was my best friend, then some really messed up things happened between me and his boyfriend, because of this we stopped talking as much for about an year (the length of their relationship).

So, later in the middle to the end of 2024, he reached out to me via text and we agreed to meet and talk about this guy, that in this time he was thinking about breaking up with. By this point I had no feelings other than friendly care for him, we ended up getting much closer and he also helped me breaking up with my abusive ex. About a month or so later, we talked about when we met, and I told him that I thought it was rude the way he ignored me when I approached him, so D told me he didn't heard anything that I said and didn't even knew about it, and that if he knew, he would've definitely tried something with me.

We talked lots about what could've happened between us, and to be honest, I was always thinking about how we could make something happen, so I asked him what he thought about that. I don't remember much else about this time, but we ended up all over each other, we talked about everything, we would spend whole weeks together, we were basically a couple, but never oficial.

In Feb 2025, things were starting to get difficult, lots of people of the past were showing up, lots of pressure were in your plates and D ended up getting together with this girl I will call C, who made him once again stop talking to me. And today this is fine, but at the time it broke me.

Around Jul 2025, D ended his relationship with C, and once again we meet up and talked about everything we hadn't talked about in those times we weren't in touch.

Kinda obviously we became intimate again, in a friends with benefits way, but I swear I couldn't not love him. All feelings kept spelling out at some point, and he decided it was better for us, and for me, that we remained only as friends.

But know, about 6 months later we became exclusively friends, I still am deeply in love with him.

We're also talking about living together (so we can afford rent).

**TL;DR: we have all this history as friends with benefits, but we've cut it off before cause of my feelings. My prediction is, how should I proceed?

I will not be getting away from him, I would rather suffer being only a friend for the rest of my life, than suffer by not being able to see him**.