I (21m) keep wondering if I sabotaged a potential relationship (19f) by being too honest too early
I met a girl while studying abroad and we had a really strong connection early on. We only went on one date, but there was a lot of chemistry, affection, and emotional intimacy pretty quickly before that over text for a few weeks. We talked about our futures and childhoods a lot, and had talked about making plans to travel together once the semester ended.
The issue was that I was leaving in 3 months to go back home. Near the end of the first date I brought up the fact that I was leaving soon because I date intentionally and wanted to know how she was with this in the long-term. I basically asked how would our relationship look like after I fly home, and if she’d be open to doing long-distance.
After that, she was stunned, and withdrew pretty quickly. She later texted saying while she liked me, she couldn’t do long-distance due to her past relationships and thought that we’d have more time here together (even though I hinted a few times in chat that I’d be going home soon). She then said that she had no issues with me personally and wanted to stay friends and hang out in the remainder of my time here, but then became more distant and eventually stopped engaging altogether after I tried negotiating boundaries with her.
Now I’m stuck wondering whether:
- I brought up the future too early and killed the spontaneity / momentum? Was it a bad idea to be upfront that early, especially with my limited timeline?
- she may actually have wanted something casual/short-term and I overcomplicated it?
- whether this incompatibility was inevitable anyway because I get emotionally attached quite deeply and quickly (which I am working on)
Part of me regrets not just enjoying the present and seeing where things went naturally. Another part of me thinks that would’ve made the ending even harder later once I went home.