AIO: roomate is neglectful of our cat
picture to show off the handsome guy :)))
i (24F) have been in a lease with my roomate (T, 27M) for the past 2 years. last august, my roomate found a cat while he was walking in the courtyards of our apt complex - this kitty in particular looked pretty malnourished, almost as if he had been abandoned. T begged me to take in the cat, who we named Mr. Cat, and i caved as long as we took him to the vet immediately to check for a chip, etc.
(it’s important to note that the original plan was for us to finish our lease, then once we move out, i would take in Mr. Cat, since T hasn’t owned a cat before, and didn’t realize how big of a responsibility it would be to own one.
i have owned cats in the past, and recognize that this would be a big responsibility.)
when he was found to be chip-less and not fixed, we made the decision to take in the kitty, and we got him spayed and microchipped, under both of our names. since then, we have been co-parenting in a way.
during his initial vet visit when we first got him, we were told that Mr. Cat has FIV, but was otherwise healthy. we were told to be mindful of his gums, lungs, and kidneys - basically making sure he is able to clean himself, that he has fresh air to breathe, and that he had access to plenty of water. the original plan for me to take in Mr. Cat after our lease would no longer work, as i plan to soon move in with my boyfriend, who also has a cat. i would hate to have to keep them separated due to the small size of the apartment, and would hate for Mr. Cat to scratch and transmit FIV to my boyfriend’s cat.
the issue:
when we first got him, T purchased a continuous flow fountain for Mr. Cat, but did not keep it clean, and did not change any of the filters until i mentioned it. due to this, Mr. Cat got sick, and we took him to the vet. we were told that it was a mix of unclean water and bacteria that he ingested when he cleans himself (he is a long haired tuxedo i think? so he has long chest hairs that stay damp after he drinks water). after that, we purchased stainless steel water bowls for him.
T does not like scooping the litter box, and elected for crystal litter than absorbs urine. with this, he barely changes the litter until the entirety of the box is filled with urine soaked crystals. the urine smell is strong, and i worry that the smell and dust is harmful to Mr. Cat. T also does not remember to fill up his water, and never changes the water if the level is high, even if it looks visibly gross. i was away thursday-sunday, and came home to less than 1cm of water in his bowl.
additionally, T leaves our 1st floor apt back door cracked quite often, and when i remind him to close and lock it, i get told to “quit trying to parent” him. even though the back door is weighed, we have been robbed in the past, and my room is the closest to the back door. i am fearful of us getting robbed, myself getting taken advantage of as a female, and Mr. Cat getting let out at night due to T not locking the door.
i apologize for the ramble, and thank you to whoever read this far. i guess my question is,
- am i overreacting/being too overbearing? i haven’t owned a cat with FIV before, but these are all things that i would be frustrated about regardless of FIV status
- with both of our names being on the microchip, do i have any justification for taking Mr. Cat with me when i move out this coming thursday? i will remain in the same complex and will be close by, as will T. i am worried that he would pursue legal action if i were to take Mr. Cat without permission.