I [27F] have found my partner [29M] having explicit or revealing screenshots of either people he/we vaguely know, or random girls from Insta
Hi, I'm really upset and I don't know what to do. Sorry for long post
Me and my partner have been together almost 6 years now and we moved from our hometown to a completely new faraway city about 5 years ago now. We have made all our joint friends here and have careers and live together (renting for now but planning to buy together one day). I love him very much and I can't imagine life without him now. He does treat me amazing
Not very long before we moved away together, my phone broke and he let me use his older one. I accidentally at that point found on his internet history from his downloads that he purchased only fans content, downloaded hundreds of different girls photos and videos (complete opposite looking to me, I am very flat chested, and self conscious about it, and I am also white and I guess kinda skinny - these were all POC with massive boobs etc, complete opposite to me) and the most upsetting thing was there was even a few girls he knew I actually know of . We were moving away together and I didn't know how to really end it at that point because of it and I agreed we'd work together. He admitted he had a porn addiction and was very remorseful and said he'd work on it etc. it made me feel awful about myself for a long time but after a while I felt like we finally healed and I finally felt ok again I guess - though I would say the last few years we don't have much of a sex life mainly because I don't feel like doing it. I don't know if that's part of what happened or the meds I've been on. He also has always been very protective of his phone that I don't like , even when he's messaging friends he kind of angles his phone like he doesn't want me seeing it and it makes me feel weird.
Anyway - basically I woke in the night after we had been drinking yesterday and he wasn't next to me but his phone was. That night I had actually for maybe the second time in my life confided in a friend I was with about what happened with him in past, and I guess it just brought it up again for me. I haven't looked at his phone in a very long time but yes it was bad but after that conversation I did look at his phone. I found his deleted folder with screenshots of random girls in very revealing tops breasts on show, most hurtfully some of these are girls he knew from previous jobs, some were random girls that weren't insta famous or anything but just had revealing pics or naked I guess. These pics were only deleted a week ago so God knows what else had been there. Because of this I went on his Instagram and he has over 500 blocked accounts, ALL of which are clearly OF creators or porn stars. I guess maybe he blocked them cos he didn't want them coming up.. but I also read it's a way of him keeping tabs on them without coming up on his feed? And then, his whole search history on twitter is also all these types of women.
I brought it up to him yesterday. He swears he's changed and it's not what he used to be like. He says he got better. And the blocks are so they don't come up - but 500 plus blocked porn accounts is crazy to me and I feel so hurt about him saving girls he knows IRL too. I love him and we have our life together here where we moved so I'm so terrified of thought of us ending but I just don't know if I am overreacting? Can it work out still? What do all the blocked accounts mean? And what could help us?