u/Any_Humor_6878

So I am male/14 and for most of my life as long as I can remember I have had the feeling of not being real. Like I always feel like I’m just playing a game you know seeing someone through a screen you know ? I always have like these moments sometimes where I just sit and think to myself for a second like hey I’m real I have like this realization that the one in my head is the same as in my body you get what I am saying ? And then I just go back to feeling not real. I don’t know if this is derealization or not

So I am male/14 and for most of my life as long as I can remember I have had the feeling of not being real. Like I always feel like I’m just playing a game you know seeing someone through a screen you know ? I always have like these moments sometimes where I just sit and think to myself for a second like hey I’m real I have like this realization that the one in my head is the same as in my body you get what I am saying ? And then I just go back to feeling not real. I don’t know if this is derealization or not

I have always associated different colors to different weekdays or letters and numbers, but I don’t know if that is something I learned or something I was Born with. And when it comes to music I have always been for some kind of reason very obsessed with music itself and drawing and art in general. But I don’t know if I really hear colors or if I’m just lying to myself, but the second i heard about this phenomenon called synesthesia i like thought to myself I have always associated different colors to different music and instruments and stuff but sometimes I have to like think about what kind of color this would be, and sometimes I just see like different waves of colors and the different waves of colors are the different components of the song but about that I don’t have to think actively I just close my eyes, I really don’t know. I did different online tests and they all tell me different things, idk maybe I’m just convincing myself to be something I’m not to feel happy or special. But I have always been very lured by music and different tones and stuff. Can you please help me out I don’t know what to do anymore. ? Sometimes I feel like I am really a synesthete and sometimes I feel like I’m lying to myself idk