u/Any_Jaguar7955

After my recent humiliating experience, disclosing, I’m terrified to disclose again. Therefore, I’m terrified to date or even become intimate with anyone. I I’m genuinely curious what everyone else’s experiences have been and what the odds are that the next person I disclose to will be just as uneducated and fearful as the last one.

Can anyone give an estimate percentage as to how many people they’ve disclosed two, who had actually done the research and weren’t judgmental?

After my recent humiliating experience, disclosing, I’m terrified to disclose again. Therefore, I’m terrified to date or even become intimate with anyone. I I’m genuinely curious what everyone else’s experiences have been and what the odds are that the next person I disclose to will be just as uneducated and fearful as the last one.

Can anyone give an estimate percentage as to how many people they’ve disclosed two, who had actually done the research and weren’t judgmental?

W29 Finally getting back out there… developed a crush and went out last night. This guy has been eyeing me for weeks, which made me feel good and sexy and desired… flirting with him has done wonders for my confidence lately. We had several drinks, things got heated and we went back to his place. After making out and a little fellatio, he said he didn’t have condoms… I set the boundary that condoms are a requirement for me, but I’m ok with not having sex so I continued fellatio. While I was going down he door-dashed some condoms and then I used that opportunity to disclose my status. He was very sweet and gracious about it, but he said “oh yea we’re definitely not having sex then”… and even though he was so kind and reassuring afterwards, it still hurt so bad. Of course I respected his decision but I was choking back tears. He kindly offered a cuddle and some reassurance… anyways, we fell asleep then this morning he asked me to keep going down on him… afterwards he then asked me if he’s ok like if my doctor specified that my mouth is clear to do that… at this point I realized he is just undereducated about STDs… so I assured him that I take an antiviral every day, and I can’t give him HSV2 from giving oral, and that the risk is if we had sex or if he gave me oral…
Despite my attempts to inform and reassure him, he still seemed a stressed out about it while trying to mask kindness… i feel so bad for even stressing this man out… and i guess even though i know I can’t give him HSV2 from oral, i guess im going to start disclosing before even kissing to avoid uninformed people from getting scared…

This is the first time I’ve hooked up with someone since my ex who gave it to me… so now that im in the “drivers seat” so to speak, im grieving terribly because no matter what, no matter how many medications/supplements/condoms, no matter how low the transmission rate, it just seems like there’s no getting around putting others at risk even if the risk is 1%… I just feel like it’s pointless to even continue pursuing a sex life or even a relationship… I would be absolutely heartbroken and devastated if I ever got consent from someone but they still contracted it… I just don’t even know if I should continue…

And in my awkward rushing out, I left my bra there… he said I could come by and get it this evening but now he isn’t m answering my messages… he watched my ig story but can’t answer my message so I can go get my bra… so my anxiety is telling me he’s probably pissed off or grossed out and burning my bra or threw it away to go ghost and avoid having to ever interact with me again… I’m likely projecting these fears too but I can’t think of any other reason why he’d avoid me coming to get my bra… I hope he’s been doing some research today to give himself some peace of mind…

I don’t know why I’m posting this but I guess any feedback or thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks everyone.