He’s accusing me of cheating with my Pilates teacher. I’m not. Is there a way forward at this point?
This feels like the final straw. Not sure why all of the other shit hasn’t been a deal breaker for me but this is taking it too far. He’s been controlling for our whole relationship, but it’s confusing because he’s a very caring, generous, and kind guy. To others he seems amazing. Shit has been hitting the fan recently because I’ve stopped letting him walk all over me and have been doing things my way for once.
I started going to Pilates and really like it. I’ve lost weight, my body looks and feels awesome. For the first time in my life I actually like my body and it’s healing some chronic pain that I have. I go 3x a week. Yesterday we were at a July 4 event in my town and we saw my Pilates teacher there. I was excited to see her and have her meet my husband, I gave her a hug and introduced them. Told her where we were headed, and then she kind of walked with us for a moment then headed off to do something else with her kid. So I walked over to her and said we were heading down the other way. That was the interaction.
Then yesterday evening husband says, “that was nice meeting your teacher. You two look cute together.” I was like what do you mean? He said it looks like we’re in a relationship. I’m completely baffled at this point, and also not going to take his bait for an argument. So I told him that was absolutely ridiculous, I’m not going to even respond to that, and moved on.
This morning he tells me that we’re done, and we’ll have a meeting with this kids after they’re up to let them know we are splitting up (it’s been verrry rocky lately, but I had thought we were going to work on things, and at least a few days last week seemed good). I wasn’t sure where he was coming from and later he said, “I’m not the one who is having a relationship with someone else.” I was stunned, couldn’t believe he was bringing this up again, told him that’s ridiculous. I tried so hard not to be reactive, because I knew that if I over explained or defended myself too much he would think I was being untruthful. You know because only people who are lying over-explain. I got so upset though, that he would accuse me of doing something I’m absolutely not doing. I see my teacher 3x a week and we’ve become friends, we chat about stuff after class, you know like friends might do. This just feels incredibly controlling and emotional abusive to be making me feel bad for having a friend (and enjoying my classes).
I ended up getting really pissed, because I was so angry at him. Then he comes back with a calm “why are you yelling at me? If you’re so insistent that you’re not cheating, I’ll believe you and trust you since you’re my wife.” And proceeded to tell me that by yelling I’m not getting anywhere and what am I hoping to accomplish by getting so angry. Oh boy you guys. It’s crazy making. I kind of lost it and left the house, I couldn’t be around him.
Is there any coming back from this? I was hoping we’d be able to mend things, but this just makes me feel so awful. I mean he usually makes me feel pretty awful, but this takes the cake. Am I supposed to not have friends now? Did he come up with this because I have a thing that’s just for me, and he doesn’t like that?
And holy fuck as I am writing this post he just texted me. “Wanna come cuddle?” If I say no way, why would I want to come cuddle with you after all of that, he’ll tell me that he’s making an effort and putting himself out there and I’m not willing to try to fix things. It’s always my fault. But I’m so disgusted by his behavior today. This is not good for my mental health!