She doesn't like me.
I don't even know what to do. I never do. She literally asked me about what to say to this guy who she complimented and asked for her insta and how to talk to him. Do you even know what that feels like?
I'm so fucking tired of being lonely. Why can't friends just be enough? Why can't anything I do be enough? I've been so lonely for 4 years, 4 years of this shit and it's only been getting worse and worse. I finally get a social life, no longer isolated and I ended up worse than before, more suicidal than ever.
I've only been held up by delusion, every month, it feels like I'm loosing more and more of myself with some blanketed delusion, false hope just to keep me with some semblance of function.
I could barely deeply trust anyone and now it's not at all. I might as well be isolated again. She was so fucking nice to me, my closest friend, my actual friend. And yet, it's not enough, none of them are enough, I still feel so lonely. The world is so cold.