I feel so guilty for hating my parents.
My parents have never abused me, they barely even fought. They have always given me everything that I need(and more). I’m currently in college and my parents are fully paying for it, I am eternally grateful for that. but that is also why I feel so guilty for hating them. I have always felt like the weak child, the one that breaks at the slightest inconvenience to them. My father even called me a weak person once after I had gone through a horrible bout of depression that made me take a break from school. I understand why they believe I’m weak. Because if I'm not very vocal about my issues, my parents will never notice. Even when I do speak up, my cries go unheard. One instance of this is my knees. I was born with knees that are genetically prone to dislocations, and had my first dislocation in the 4th grade, I would constantly complain about how painful and unstable they felt. This caused me to stop playing sports, stop being active and to gain a lot of weight in elementary school. Both my mom and my dad did not care enough to take me to the doctor until my brother dislocated his knee while playing a sport (when both of us were in highschool) they took me to his doctor half a year later after I basically had to plead with them. now I've had 2 knee surgeries, that might have been preventable if it was seen sooner, and chronic pain for the dislocations that limits my movement for the rest of my life. I am very resentful of them for this. but I wouldn't be writing this if this was the only reason. My parents also have to one-up me with everything, if I only got 5 hours of sleep my mom got 3, if my knees hurt, my dads knees hurt in a way I could “never imagine.” when i was diagnosed with ADHD my mom thought she also had it (although she only has forgetfulness, and none of the other symptoms). These are just a few moments but this happens every single time I share a problem of mine. I know it's ok for my parents to have medical issues and to talk to me about them. But it always seems to illegitimate my problems with their own whenever I ask for help. My dad is very reactive and gets mad and storms off if anything happens he doesn't like. So I basically can only talk to my mom about my life because if I talk to my dad and say any opposing argument to his own it becomes an argument. Which I end up apologizing for just to get it to stop. I don’t know what to do, I love my parents but I always get hurt around them and have to apologize to them. I need some guidance on what I should do as I feel like I'm going to be indebted to them for a long time because of my chronic physical and mental health challenges. I'm sorry if there are any spelling or grammar mistakes, I have dyslexia which maks it hard for me to see my own writing mistakes. Thank you for your time.