am i in the wrong for calling my bf a “piece of shit” after he lied about drugs
to answer my question, i’m going to give some context.
before we met, my boyfriend (m19) used to smoke weed (eat edibles and all that stuff), i (f19) am not sure how to name them because i don't know much about drugs all the time, every day, every minute. even when we met, he used to do it, just not with me. when we started talking i made sure he knew that's not something i want in a relationship, i have nothing against people who smoke, i just wouldn't date someone who uses drugs. but he's not a loser addicted, he goes to the gym and is in shape, he has hobbies, he has his life together you could say.
we started dating three months after we met, and that same month we broke up because i found out he was smoking and doing weed while we were getting to know each other (when he was telling he wasn't doing it anymore because he wanted to be with me) we met may 2025 and starting dating july 2025, for clarification. i was clearly very upset, and crying really bad because i was very hurt. it's not even the weed, but the lie, he lied to me to my face all those months, it's hurts me to think he did not care about me.
we talked and he explained it to me, he's ashamed of his addiction and that it's hard for him to stop doing it completely, there's more to the conversation but that's pretty much it, he was aware of how much it hurt me that he lied to me yara vara. i forgave him, but we were trying again, we were not back together. he lied to me again, and again, and again, and again. there's no point in getting into those because it's the same, i find out he smoked, we argue really bad, and then we get back together.
so i told him you can smoke, just tell me because it hurts me that you lie to me. at that point, i thought i didn't care about the smoking, so he'd tell me every time he did it, but i cared so much, i couldn't not care, i just don't see myself with someone
who does weed or drugs. it didn't last two months, i was honest with him that i don't feel comfortable, i don't want to be with someone who smokes and that if he doesn't think about changing, we can't be together. he said he wanted to quit smoking for his own good, so he started to go to therapy. we were also having other problems, like pretty bad arguments and yelling and crying, the resentment between us was just crazy. it made us argue about so much dumb shit, but also serious shit.
but he started to go to therapy and it got better, honestly. he was really trying hard to quit. whenever he'd do it because he couldn't help it, he'd tell me, and how it made him feel. he was opening up to me about it, we were doing great.
he's been clean for a while now, a few months, last time was in december 2025. we were doing great, we talk about it sometimes, he knows how much it'd hurt another lie, because again i wouldn't be mad if he told me "hey i smoked, i fell for it" or whatever, it's the lie that kills me. especially because we spent so much time rebuilding this trust (just like we did in the past) before we'd rebuilt the trust and it'd be shattered again, it was terrible.
today, not long ago, his brother texted him asking if he took his edibles, and he said "no what the fuck" and i looked at his face because i know this man, i knew right away that he did, i just didn't want to believe it. but i asked him if he did, and he said no, and i told him to be honest and to tell me, and he told me the truth, that he just took one, it was just yesterday that he hasn't been doing it, he only did it because yesterday was his last day at work and he felt like he needed it to get through it. i don't know, to me it sounds like bullshit.
i didn't even want to hear his excuses, i told him he's a piece of shit, and he started to cry, we were at his house so i told him to drop me off at my house. he was trying to explain himself and i just told him to shut up. we didn't talk until we got to my house, i told him to not text me, and he was just crying and telling me that he's sorry, and explaining again. i didn't say anything and now i'm home thinking about this. we were planning on moving together next year, and we got a cat together in april.
he's a great man, he's not a bad person, he's a good son, and an amazing brother. he makes sure i am okay, and he always takes care of me, he listens, whenever i don't like something he does better, he makes me laugh, he makes sure i am happy, when i'm sad or crying he takes amazing care of me, he does his best to get along with my family and friends, he cares, he's loving, affectionate, he supports me no matter what. this is exactly why it hurts so much, because if you're this good, why do you keep doing this to me?
i'm so hurt honestly, i'm just wondering, is it normal for people who are trying to quit to act like this? i mean, he was doing really good until this, i don't even mind that he ate the edible but that he didn't tell me. am i being too controlling or is it valid?