u/ApartVisit8658

We have decided that we would like a private cremation for our baby. In order to do this we need to contact local funeral homes but we have no idea what we need to tell them. I’m so scared of judgement due to this being TFMR rather than stillbirth or baby loss. Organising a funeral is also something neither of us have done and just feels so overwhelming. We are thinking we would like a very basic/simple service just for us. The whole thing feels very surreal. Any advice or experiences would be really appreciated.

We are fresh out of our tfmr - labour and delivery at 21 weeks. We are so lucky to have a healthy toddler at home but I’m finding it so difficult being the parent she deserves right now. She has already had to deal with me feeling nauseous and tired until 15 weeks pregnant and now she’s dealing with a sad mummy with no understanding of what’s going on around her. She’s had to miss nursery this week but we are trying to keep her routine the same otherwise. She’s not sleeping well due to a medical reason which means I’m not sleeping well. I don’t want to keep palming her off on family as that’s unsettling her too. I just want to hide in my bed all day. Today I’ve spent most of the day in hospital following some larger blood clots being passed. My house is a mess, dinners are from the freezer. She’s started engaging in attention seeking behaviours because she’s obviously crying out for more than I can give right now (she gets lots of cuddles and words of love and affection). I don’t feel able to take her to the park, I don’t want to see pregnant women or little babies or children with siblings. I also don’t want to risk intensifying the bleeding I’m already experiencing. My partner is unwell, but he’s doing his best to keep her entertained, doing jobs around the house etc while also grieving himself.

There are no answers I just needed to get it off my chest.

Due to personal reasons I may not be in work at the time we can start thinking of renewing our mortgage to a new fixed year offer. Between then and the end of our current fixed term, I would hope to find employment of some capacity (not fussy, happy to just be working but will likely be taking a pay cut). If we were to stick with our current lender, am I right in thinking they don’t carry out affordability checks? What information would they need? I’m aware this means we might not have access to the best rates and we would definitely seek financial advice/a mortgage broker to check what would be on offer but just trying to determine worst case scenarios. We are currently with hsbc if that makes any difference.