My abusive husband soon to be ex is trying to ruin my life and I don’t know what to do.
Hi THT fam. Long time listener, first time writing in. There may be some trigger warnings here regarding abuse.
I honestly don’t even know where to begin, so I’ll start from the beginning.
I met my husband when I was 16 and he was 23. At first we were more acquaintances, but he pursued me very heavily, and we eventually got together when I was 17. I got pregnant very quickly, and my family pressured me into marrying him.
Not long after I became pregnant, his true colors started to come out. He repeatedly threatened to punch me in the stomach because I refused to get an abortion. Later on, he admitted that during my pregnancy he intentionally tried to stress me out as much as possible in hopes that I would miscarry.
Around that same time, he took in his child from a previous relationship and told me I had to help raise them. I know this may sound bad, but I was only 17, terrified about becoming a mother myself, and completely overwhelmed.
I later found out he was cheating on me. Even when I had proof directly in front of him, he would still deny it. He constantly made small jabs at me throughout the day. I would try my best to ignore them, but eventually I would reach my breaking point and react. The second I did, he would say things like, “See how easy it is to get a rise out of you?” or “Oh my God, look how insane you are,” knowing full well I was reacting after being emotionally picked apart all day.
One example that has always stuck with me, we were financially struggling, and I had cooked a meal in bulk that we ate for three days in a row. He started a fight over “eating the same shit all the time” and then gave me the silent treatment for nearly a week.
Any time I tried to defend myself in an argument especially when something genuinely wasn’t my fault the fights would drag on for days until I eventually apologized just to make the emotional exhaustion stop, even when I had done nothing wrong.
I finally left, and now he is trying to destroy my reputation. He badmouths me to our 5-year-old child and tells people in my hometown that I’m mentally unstable, that I abandoned my family, and that he’s now a struggling single father because I’m selfish and entitled. He tells people I’m “separating siblings” and that they should be together.
I’ve even received hateful messages from strangers calling me evil for leaving and taking my child away from their father and sibling.
The hardest part is that he is extremely charismatic and charming. People love him in my hometown, and no one believes the things I say he did to me. He has turned and continues to turn people against me simply because I want a divorce and a peaceful life.
At this point, I just want to be left alone. I want to be safe. I want peace for myself and my child. Most importantly, I do not want my child growing up believing a relationship like this is normal or acceptable.
I guess I’m just looking for advice on how to move forward and how to stop someone like this from continuing to ruin my life after finally finding the courage to leave.