Okay I’m going to lay out some general background information first.
\- I am getting married in September.
\- I like to plan things in advance. Literally everything for this wedding has been completely planned for a few months already.
\- the only things not planned yet are things that are typically considered in poor taste for the bride to plan.
\- my maid of honour has recently gotten some bad news about her baby, so I took planning this one small thing off of her plate, because it’s one of the small tasks that I can “take away” without feeling like I’m taking jobs away from her (she’s very excited about being maid of honour and is very similar to me, but I want her to be able to not have to think about anything more than her baby unless she wants to)
\- this plan has been in the works for months
\- I literally confirmed the plans with EVERYONE soooo many times and prepaid to reserve the spa service (no refunds!) HOURS earlier before she pulled this stunt
\- my grandmother passed away rather suddenly (was relatively healthy, then was in hospital waiting for a procedure, and passed there)
Okay. So. My mother. There are so, so, so many things I could say about her. Let’s start with, she can dish it out but she can’t take it. She can be mean, but god forbid someone say anything back to her about it. We, for many years, were not on good terms. She was emotionally and physically abusive while I was growing up, and is somehow absolutely convinced that she’s never done anything wrong in her life. I just wanted so badly to have a good relationship with her, but she makes it so hard to want her in my life. And she’s still with my dad, who I do have a relationship with that I don’t want to give up.
Now, a few months ago (like, late last year) my partner and I decided we wanted to do 2 nights in a spa resort, specifically so that the night before our wedding, I could get a few people together and do a little pre-wedding spa day. We talked to a few people, including both of our mothers, about this plan, and in January, pulled the trigger and booked a fancy pants hotel resort spa place. From the very beginning, the idea was that the night before the wedding, his sisters and mom, my mother and myself would go together and (for MY mother to get to know them!!!!!) spend some time together. Then we decided, better invite the bridesmaids (2) as a buffer.
So in the last 3 months, I have talked to my mother countless times about these plans. I am very very excited for HER to get to know my future SILs and MIL because I genuinely love and appreciate them so much. Every time it has come up, she seems fine and was saying positive things.
Now, I called her today, because she was sending me some really backwards confusing texts about how I’m not supposed to be planning the bridal shower and that’s in poor taste, someone else is supposed to plan it blah blah blah. So I have no idea wtf she’s talking about, because I literally haven’t brought up anything about this. So I phone, and she keeps going on about “well you couldn’t even wait for someone else to plan it, not everything is about you we were trying to accommodate EVERYONE not just you and your cousin is getting married this summer too…” so I ask “uhhh what???? I haven’t said anything about literally any of that” and then she starts calling me names! Like none of the names were particularly offensive in nature, but I didn’t do anything to deserve being called twat or turd or bitch or anything like that. Also, just in general, I do NOT believe in name calling. It’s rude and unnecessary.
So then I ask why she’s talking to me that way, and she goes OFF about “well you never told me any of this” and when I say that I had, it turns into “well where was I when you asked? Was I with my DYING MOTHER? Or was this BETWEEN being with my DYING mother and her funeral?” Like. I cannot stress this enough. Her death was SUDDEN, it was not like months of agonizing over her hospital bed. And I mean, even if it was, that is not an excuse to use for you forgetting about something or changing your mind about it, or even just deciding today you want to take your bad mood on someone else and make yourself the victim. Don’t use your mother as an excuse for you being like that.
So I hung up, and sent her a message saying that I know she’s grieving, and so am I, but that I don’t appreciate being talked to that way, or being called names. And she responds with “actually I can’t come after all. I’m going to have houseguests because of YOUR wedding so I regretfully decline”
Like. I understand everyone has bad days, but she was just intentionally being so nasty, and then saying how she’s actually too busy for any pre-wedding stuff. And yet!!! I know that to her, somehow, I’m clearly the bad guy.
I’m just so sick of her being the victim and lashing out at me (and only me! My father and brother don’t see this side of her)
Anyway, so now I’m trying to find literally anyone else to take her spot so that when she comes back saying that clearly she didn’t mean what she said, or that I’m “so sensitive” or that I’m a monster for not including her, that I can tell her that’s it’s too late and her pre-paid spa day has gone to someone else and I can’t change it
Anyway, I mostly just wanted to vent because it would just be so nice to not have to deal with a manipulative person in this way.